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MEMOIR 



CATHARINE SEELY, 



LATE OF 



DARIEN, CONNECTICUT. 




The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart ; and saveth snch as b* 
of a contrite spirit. 

Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the Lord delivereth him out 
of them All. — Psalms, chapter 34 — verse 18, 19. 



NEW-YORK 



# 



COLLINS, BROTHER & CO. 

1843. 






J. A. Fraetas, Printer, 7 Spiuce-St. 



PREFACE. 



In looking oyer the private papers of the late Ca- 
tharine Seely, whose painful pilgrimage terminated 
10th month, 27th, 1838, her friends believed that a 
small volume might be selected from them which 
would be interesting to the serious reader, and to the 
afflicted generally, but peculiarly so to those who are 
lingering, as she did, year after year upon beds of pain 
and sorrow, with that most afflicting malady — a dis- 
eased spine. 

Her numerous letters, and a diary, commenced in 
her juvenile years and continued to the last months of 
her life, afford ample materials for a large work ; yet, 
^s brevity seems preferable, in many respects, to a re- 
petition of the best sentiments, or of the continual 
changes incident to the complicated diseases under 
which she was a daily and hourly sufferer for nearly 
twenty years, but a very small portion has been select- 
ed for publication. 



IV PREFACE.. 

The disadvantages under which the greater part of 
it was written — a recumbent posture, in a darkened 
room, with a trembling hand and throbbing brain, ren- 
dered errors inevitable, some of which have been correct- 
ed, where it could be done without affecting the meaning 
in the least degree ; while they have been mostly over- 
looked for the sake of giving her sentiments in her own 
words. As she " fought the good fight and kept the 
faith,'' we doubt not but that she has received "a 
crown of glory ;" therefore these memorials are no 
longer any thing to her, and the hope that they may 
prove a blessing to survivors, by inciting others to fol- 
low her as she endeavored to follow Christ, is the only 
reason why an attempt is made to lay them before 
the public. 

If, while perusing the following pages, the reader 
will bear in mind, that, (as an intimate friend of hers 
has written concerning her,) " she was subject to many 
privations from early life in consequence of ill health, 
and was confined to her bed for the last fourteen years, 
during which she was a considerable part of the 
time in extreme suffering," he can scarcely fail of being 
deeply impressed by the spirit of humble piety, of fer- 
vent devotion, and of patient resignation to the will of 
her Heavenly Father, which pervades her writings. 
May the impression prove abiding and salutary ! The 
same friend also observes that, " her patience was ad- 
mirable, and when able to see company, she was re- 
markable for her pleasant and instructive conversatioB, 
which induced many to visit her." 



PREFACE. 



Several circumstances have combined to delay the 
publication of her writings, of which the difficulty of 
getting a manuscript prepared for the press has not 
been one of the least ; and it is only from a conviction 
that they will not otherwise be presented to the public, 
that the compiler of the following pages has been in- 
duced to undertake the arduous, though in some res- 
pects, pleasing task of revising and arranging them. 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 



Catharine, daughter of Wyx and Catharine Seely, 
was born in Darien, Fairfield County, Connecticut, 6th 
month, 2nd, 1799. As a tendency to scrofula was ear- 
ly manifested, her constitution was extremely delicate, 
and her health variable, from her infancy. She was 
naturally of a lively, amiable and aflFectionate disposi- 
tion ; combined with hiuch energy and decision of 
character, which, in after life, contributed not a little 
towards enabling her to surmount many of the diflicul- 
ties, trials, and discouragements by which she was sur- 
rounded. In her manners, she was diffident and retir- 
ing. While writing upon the subject a few years be- 
fore her decease, she remarked, — "I possessed a gay 
and active disposition, which was often restrained by 
diffidence, with which 1 suffered much during child- 
hood and youth, though it probably preserved me from 
committing offences which my volatile disposition 
might otherwise have led me into. 



8 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

Although subject to frequent serious attacks of ill- 
ness, — 

" Her spring, like other springs, was gay. 
And roses bloom'd around." 

And while enjoying the society and friendship of her 
youthful associates, or admiring the beauties of nature, 
amid the continually varying scenes of which she was 
delighted to be able to ramble, her pleasures were often 
of as pure a nature as earth can afford. 

In her twelfth year she met with a severe trial in the 
death of her brother, Sands Seely, who died in New- 
York, 12th month, 1811, aged 23 years. He gave sa- 
tisfactory evidence of his own preparation for the event, 
and exhorted others to " prepare while in health and 
strength for such a solemn scene — a painful, dying 
bed." In speaking of this bereavement, she says, — 
" My mind was naturally meditative and enquiring, but 
not pious, I think, at as early an age as some are. I do 
not remember any abiding seriousness until the death 
of my dear brother. He was very fond of scientific 
engagements ; and being qualified for teaching at an 
early age, he followed it principally when his health 
would permit. I am self-condemned for having neg- 
lected the improvement I might have attained under his 
tuition, and by his example of dignity, sobriety and 
piety. His death made me sensible of my own hourly 
danger of being taken out of life. I reflected that it 
would have been as easy for the Almighty to have taken 
me as him, and resolved that I would try to be in readi- 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 9 

ness for such a call. Although these solemn impres- 
sions too soon wore off, I think they never did entirely, 
nor was the above resolution laid aside." 

Of the tender care and solicitude of her parents for 
her present and eternal welfare, she made the following 
remarks — " From my own experience, I can say that 
unnumbered precepts which may long appear to be 
lost, are like bread cast upon the waters, found after 
many days." " My mind was often occupied with se- 
rious reflections and enquiries respecting immortality 
and futurity. I seldom asked, but watched the con- 
versation of others for information on these subjects. 
My parents implanted a reverential fear of offending 
the Creator and Preserver of my life, which I think I 
may say, in a great measure regulated my course in 
childhood, even before the true love of God warmed 
my heart, which became more and more susceptible of 
the secret influences of the Holy Spirit, and intent in 
the search after a knowledge of the divine nature and 
favor. My dear mother's first explanations and pre- 
cepts are still familiar to my recollection. 

Her mother's health had been gradually declining for 
some years, though not confined to her bed, until with- 
in a few hours of her decease. Catharine writes — 
" On the morning of the 4th of 7th month, 1813, she 
quietly and almost imperceptibly ceased to breathe, and 
her liberated spirit seemed to pass away under the over- 
shadowing of celestial brightness. It was a sudden 
shock to us all ; and when I bade a last farewell to my 
dear mother, I bade farewell, as I then thought, to all 



10 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

earthly comforts also ; for I neither expected nor de- 
sired other enjoyments, or to live for anything but to 
sooth my dear bereaved father. She often manifested 
great care and anxiety respecting my health and future 
situation, and I am thankful that she knew not virhat 
suffering and perils were before me. In three months 
after my mother's death, my sister P. was married, 
which was an additional trial, being then left without 
any sister at home, and but one brother, who also left 
home a few months after. I was then very lonely ; but 
wise and mercifully indulgent is our precious Care- 
taker ; he mingles many unforeseen blessings with 
painful privations, and while we wonder, we cannot 
but adore the hand that so richly blends joy with grief. 
He prepared my father to be both parent and compan- 
ion, and the void of mother, brother, and sisters, was 
admirably supplied by his kindness. 

In the spring of 1814, she was seriously affected with 
scrofula, and thought to be in a decline. Respecting 
this illness, she says — " The deep impressions caused 
by my mother's death left my mind tender, and kept it 
open to conviction ; and my illness served to awaken 
it afresh, and to show me that I stood on a dangerous 
precipice from which I might be instantly plunged into 
the fathomless pit, from whence there is no returning — 
no redemption. Many times I thought my life would 
be very short, and one night in particular, while suffer- 
ing under a severe attack of scrofula in my throat, I 
did not expect to live to see the morning. My friends 
knew not the distress of my body or mind, for I was 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 11 

very anxious for the welfare of my soul, and over- 
whelmed with sorrow. I then conversed with my 
father on the subject for the first time, which afforded 
satisfaction, (not having opened my mind to any one,) 
and prayed to my Heavenly Father for relief, which 
he was mercifully pleased to grant me. Oh, how many 
changes and different frames of mind there are, only 
known to Him who seeth the secret of the heart ! I 
often fear I am very wicked for remaining so long in 
stupidity, and not listening to the inward voice which 
is continually calling and soliciting me to flee from the 
wrath to come, and not delay until to-morrow ; but 
that was my theme, to-morrow I will be more serious, 
for I considered myself indeed very rude. It was long 
the resolution of every morning to spend the day 
differently, but the resolutions of feeble nature were 
weak and soon broken, and I knew not how to set 
about a reformation. The exercise of my mind at 
times was great, and I would think I could not again 
be so careless, yet I soon fell into the same dangerous 
state. This showed me that my weak resolutions were 
nothing without the immediate aid of the blessed Jesus 
by his regenerating grace to enable me to fix my faith 
and whole dependence on him. These seasons of men- -^^ 
tal conflict became more frequent and effectual, but 
still I seemed very stupid and undutiful, and I thought 
I could not look for any change of heart, or peace of 
mind while so unworthy, and so negligent of his call, 
which was — "Seek thy Creator in the days of thy 
youth, when thou art the most acceptable." 



12 MJBMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY* 

" Near the last of autumn, 1815, being unusually ill 
and confined to my bed for several days, my mind was 
wrought upon as usual, except that I felt more hard- 
ness of heart and unbelief. My heart secretly rebelled 
against the Almighty ; I uttered blasphemous words to 
mj^selfj and my faith was not sufficient to look to Him 
who alone could strengthen me. I was very anxious 
to be restored to health that I might enjoy the com- 
forts and sweet indulgencies of life with other people ; 
this I had never felt before, and I well knew then that 
it was not right. I had felt contented and resigned 
from the first of my illness, (more so than I could have 
expected,) and in a measure was thankful to endure 
illness, believing it designed for good and wise purpo- 
ses. After a week or two I so far recovered as to ride a 
few miles to my Sister E. R's., where I spent some 
days — ^took a heavy cold and returned home very ilL 
My friends thought this would probably prove a fatal 
sickness, but I was greatly relieved by medicine, for 
which I was truly thankful. My mind became tran- 
quil and entirely resigned to the Divine will. I was 
humbled with a full view of myself, and often wonder- 
ed that I should be so changed from hardness of heart, 
to such tenderness, composure, and engagedness, while 
so undeserving. One day as I lay down, as usual, to 
rest, (which time I always endeavor to employ in 
thankfulness and supplication,) I had remarkable free- 
dom and satisfaction in prayer and thanksgiving ; and 
it appeared as if the veil that had formerly been be- 
tween me and the Saviour was withdrawn, and all per- 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY, 13 

tainin^ to immortality laid open to my view. I. enjoy- 
ed such happiness as no pen can portray, no tongue can 
tell, nor heart conceive, except in a similar situation. 
Still I had ^reat fears that my wicked heart was de- 
ceiving me— that it could not be possible so sinful a 
creature as I, could really have such complete bliss, 
and feared it was imagination and delusion ; but ere 
long 1 was convinced beyond a doubt that it was the 
power of God which touched my heart ; and nothing 
short of his Gracious Love which was extended even 
to so frail a worm as I. My heart was melted and I 
wept much, which was noticed, and enquiry made whe- 
ther I was more unwell, to which I replied in the ne- 
gative, but had not freedom to express my feelings to 
any one. I felt unbounded love, solicitude, and sym- 
pathy, for all my fellow pilgrims, prayed fervently, and 
entreated for *them as for myself at the Throne of 
Grace, for all seemed near as brothers and sisters, and 
I loved them with tender affection. After remaining 
some time in retirement, I took the bible, and on open- 
ing it, the first chapter that met my eye was the 14th 
of Job. I could see comfort in every verse, and was so 
affected that I could read but little more than one chap- 
ter. I then returned to my bed where I think I can 
truly say I enjoyed the sweet consolation of my God 
and Saviour. I remained for some time in a sweet 
frame of mind, took more delight than ever before in 
reading the Scriptures, and if 1 should now fall back 
after repeated warnings, and regard them not, I should 

be wicked indeed. Oh , Great God ! forbid that this 
2 



14 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

should be the case ; look down with compassion upon 
me, and pardon my daily transgressions, provocations 
and backslidings. Be pleased to forgive my sins, to 
subdue my stubborn heart, and to enable me to resist 
temptation and to do thy will in every thing." 

March 31st, 1816. 

" Again, merciful God, thou hast seen meet that I 
should spend this day without assembling with others 
at the place of public worship, but thy matchless 
love is not confined to places or persons, and may it 
extend even unto me, and teach me to worship and 
reverence thee in sincerity of heart ; cleansing and 
purifying me for thy work. Oh, great and omni- 
present Helper, be thou my help, my strength, my all ; 
lead me with faith and hope through the valley of hu- 
miliation to the pleasant fields which lie beyond it. 
For what do we live, but to prepare for, and to become 
worthy to obtain this glorious prize ? Oh, that I, and 
all the human family may be found worthy to in- 
herit the great estate of eternal happiness. 

April 17th. 

Returned from Dr. R's, after spending a few days 
at his dwelling. I am now under his medical di- 
rection, and earnestly hope it may be attended with 
the blessing of returning health, if consistent with my 
Heavenly Father's will, and not otherwise. I think 
I can say from my heart that I am contented with 
whatever he may see meet to appoint for me ; only 
this do I ask, the light of his countenance to direct and 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 15 

instruct me in the way of righteousness ; that I may 
bear up under his chastening rod with christian forti- 
tude ; and in all situations of life that I may honor 
and obey him, and not be the means of bringing re- 
proach upon his holy cause. 

19th. I know not that I shall be spared to see another 
year, month, or even a day ; how strange that I can be 
so careless with regard to my eternal welfare ! To 
what can I impute it ? 1 cannot say it is because I am 
ignorant of my dangerous state, or have not had warn- 
ings. " No man can redeem his brother, or give to 
God a ransom for his soul ;" oh, then, may the quick- 
ening spirit of the Lord arouse and warm the cold and 
stupid, the world over. 

May 15th. 

Oh, that my mind may be kept chaste and absent 
from the world while my body is present in it. I now 
and then steal a few moments of retirement, unob- 
served by any, having much on my mind to write, 
but before I can get my thoughts collected from the 
business of the world, and perhaps before I have 
penned one sentence, I am obliged to leave it, which 
causes it to appear, as it really is, written with an un- 
settled mind. More care would be taken if I were 
writing for the perusal of others, but that is not my 
intention, it is but the simple feelings of my heart, 
very imperfectly set down for my own improvement. 

5th Month, 16th, 1816. 

Towards evening, I walked out with some of my 



16 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

young friends to enjoy the sweet pleasure of viewing 
the meadows clothed in green verdure, and the swel- 
ling buds of the trees. Oh, how instructive the works 
of nature in the bloom of spring, when all bespeaks 
praise to the great Creator of heaven and earth. 
Youth is the time to prepare for death ; we know not 
that we shall arrive at old age, and if we do, as youth 
is the most vigorous season, so it is the most accept- 
able time to serve the Lord. He will then be our friend 
and protector through time and eternity. We cannot 
serve him too long nor too well.^ 

6th Month, 26th. 

My dear Master has again been pleased to draw me 
by the cords of his love, in causing me to feel his chas- 
tening hand. It is said " whom the Lord loveth he 
chasteneth." Many times have I been led to say, it is 
a trial, but it is also a pleasure that I can suffer for 
Jesus' sake, 

7th Month, 2nd. 

What great reason have I to be thankful for innu- 
merable blessings ! My health is much better of late, 
and Dr. R. gives me great encouragement. I rejoice 
at the thought of enjoying health, and tremble with 
the fear of its leading me into temptation. Oh, Lord, 
forbid this ; be pleased to watch over, and give me 
strength and understanding rightly to perform every du- 
ty, and to glorify thy holy cause. I entreat thee to watch 
continually over such a worthless worm as I, and guard 
me from the infection of worldly company, of which I 
am greatly afraid, knowing my weakness to be great 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 17 

in this respect, as well as in all other things. Without 
thy constant care I shall soon be lost, or gone astray 
from thy fold. 

8th Month, 5th. 

Surely all who have endeavored to refrain from va- 
nit3r, and lay hold on eternal life, will join me in saying 
that all this world's rich treasures and pleasures are but 
trifles, and mere vanity compared to the riches and 
joys of Heaven, the love and favor of the adorable 
God. 

12th. I am about to leave home to spend a few 
weeks with my relations, in a gay airy place. I go in 
fear of being drawn into pride and vanity, or of being 
influenced by volatile company. Oh may I be kept in 
humble submission, and let me not in the least degree 
be engrossed by the things of the world, but be enabled 
through divine mercy to be faithful, and live to the 
glory and honor of my Heavenly Father. 

9th Month, 4th. 

Returned home yesterday to the residence of my 
beloved father. Why is one so unworthy indulged 
with such great privileges, while many are de- 
prived of parents, friends and property, even to the 
necessaries of life. May the gospel trumpet — the 
word of life, be sounded in the ear of every sin- 
ner ! Thou, oh Lord, hast begun a good work in 
this land, quicken all by thy Holy Spirit and dispel the 
darkness of the night — permit none to remain drowsy, 
stupid, deaf, or blind, but bring all to know Thee from 
the least to the greatest, to the ends of the earth. 



18 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

Greatly does my spirit pant for the promotion of the 
truth. Oh that I were a fit subject in the hand of the 
Most High to be in the least degree useful in promoting 
his great and glorious cause. 

19th. Never before have I felt so anxiously interes- 
ted for sinners. Oh may the love and purifying blood 
of the Redeemer be shed abroad, and leave none to eter- 
nal misery; but may all through the gospel dispensa- 
tion be brought out of darkness into marvellous light, 
I have just returned from a satisfactory meeting where 
my mind was stayed upon that foundation which fail- 
eth not by the force of tempests, nor wavereth in bois- 
terous winds, I am sometimes ready to exclaim — It is 
an additional sin to attend meetings and permit the 
mind to wander as though floating on the ocean : at other 
times the light of the gospel appears to prevail, and 1 
am enabled to praise God with my whole heart, who 
grants me health and strength to bear the fatigue of ri- 
ding, a short distance, and sitting in meeting ; a privi- 
lege of which I am often deprived through ill health. 
Oh that the shedding abroad of His powerful light and 
love in these meetings may be renewedly extended to 
my naturally depraved heart; and may I in fervent 
and renewed zeal glorify and praise God's holy name 
for the sweet counsel I have taken with him, not only 
in the house assigned for public worship, but in retire- 
ment, and even while employed in domestic concerns. 
Never before have I spent a season so pleasantly as this ; 
never before could I discern such majestic beauty in the 
face of nature which shews forth the glory of the Crea- 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 19 

toij.and demands reverence to his Holy name. A beau- 
tiful lustre overspreads the earth, to which I lived too 
long a stranger. I feel a tender love and sympathy 
for the whole human family, who are as the sands on 
the sea shore for multitude; yet I trust through the love 
of Jesus I love them all, and earnestly entreat the Lord 
to pour out his blessings upon them, that they may 
have an inheritance in His kingdom. But, oh the de- 
pravity of human nature ! " This is the condemnation 
that light has come into the world, but men love dark- 
ness rather than light, because their deeds are evil."' 

lOth Month, 3rd. 

I this day attended meeting with much satisfac- 
tion, though not favored with such sweet communion 
with the precious friend of sinners as my soul desired. 
I was plainly told the cause by a minister present; 
every word seemed peculiarly adapted to my case 
and I truly felt self-condemned. The subject was the 
necessity of having our minds rightly prepared before 
sitting down in our meetings, that they may then be 
settled in calm serenity, and centred on the true object 
of worship. Then will the soul receive strength through 
the sweet communion God will grant it to enjoy with 
him; the spiritual communion of bread and wine which 
alone can refresh the soul. But if we go careless and 
allow our minds to be engrossed with the trifling vani- 
ties of this deceitful world, we cannot expect this rich 
reward. 

24th. Some of my cousins accompanied me to 
Friends Meeting in the morning, where I thought this 



20 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

saying of Christ was verified "where two or three are 
gathered together in my name there am I in the midst 
of them." I know not how it was with others, but I 
could rejoice and give thanks to God for permitting me 
to enjoy so much of his holy presence. In the after- 
noon I went with them to Presbyterian meeting, which 
was likewise a pleasant season. The minister appeared 
to be solicitous for the salvation of souls, and entreated 
all to enlist on the Lord's side. May I be of that num- 
ber, and serve him faithfully." 

As the mother of Catharine Seely did not belong to 
the religious society of Friends, she consequently had 
no birthright in the society, but was received into mem- 
bership, by her own request, in the 19th year of her 
age. The following extracts from her memoranda will 
shew the state of her mind at that periods 

nth Month, 6th, 1817. 

I have at length decided upon requesting to become a 
member of the society of Friends. A consideration of 
my un worthiness, has, I think, prevented me from at- 
tempting any thing of this kind, for more than two 
years ; though, at times, it has been so strongly im- 
pressed upon my mind as to cause me to think it would 
be my duty to attend to it immediately. I felt a fear 
of being too hasty and of professing more than I pos- 
sessed ; and thought my deficiencies so great that if 
I mentioned it to Friends 1 feared they would think it 
improper. But in this I foundmyself mistaken, for some 
with whom I have conversed, encourage me to go for- 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 21 

ward, if I think it my duty — -not otherwise. The en- 
. couragement I likewise received from my affectionate 
parent gave me reason to believe that he saw no incon- 
sistency in my conduct, but he never uro^ed or advised 
me, only to do as I thought best. And now 1 trust I 
have gone forward in the solemn duty of offering my- 
self to the church in the love and fear of the Lord. 
Oh may I through the influence of his divine power 
lead a serious, consistent life, that I may be acceptable 
in His sight, and honor and adorn my profession. 

23d. I this day received a visit from the committee 
appointed by Purchase Monthly Meeting to confer with 
me respecting my request to be received into member- 
ship. It was a solemn interview ; and one friend re- 
marked — ' To be obedient is better than sacrifice, and 
to hearken to the voice of the Lord than the fat of 
rams.' This was the more impressive as it had pre- 
viously been repeated to me after the close of a meet- 
ing in which I experienced a deep sense of the Lord's 
presence. Every word of the preaching was so well 
adapted to my case, that, had I not known it was im- 
possible, I should have thought some outward informa^ 
tion of the state of my mind must have been commu- 
nicated ; but I knew that my exercises were only 
known to God — the waverings of my mind, and the 
deceitfulness of my heart, to Him alone. 

12th Month, 28th. 

Received a visit from the committee appointed to in- 
form me of my reception into membership ; which was 
done by dear E. Griffen in a solemn manner. May I 



22 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

never forget her seasonable and weighty admonitions 
and encouragement. 

Surely praises ought to abound, and my heart melt 
with gratitude towards my heavenly Benefactor for 
protecting me from the vanities and snares of this sin- 
ful world, and not permitting me to attend what some 
call innocent, but what I consider sinful recreations.— 
Many of my acquaintance, and some out of our own 
family, are this night engaged in the ball-room, while I 
spend it mostly in retirement. I pity them, and my 
heart is turned to God in prayer on their behalf They 
call this innocent amusement ; but would they be 
willing to spend their last moments in a ball-room ? — 
Oh that God would open the eyes of their understand- 
ing, and set their sins in order before them, that they 
may be aroused, and lay hold on eternal life while it is 
to be obtained. '^ The Lord hath said — ' My spirit shall 
not always strive with man.' " 

" After a short life of works, we shall enter into an 
endless one of rewards ; and happy will it be for us if, 
when we arrive at the judgment bar of God, we shall 
be found worthy of receiving this answer — ^well done 
good and faithful servant, enter thou into the joy of thy 
Lord.' But on the contrary how awful will it be if no 
time has been reserved to serve the Lord, but all sur- 
rendered to the service of Satan !" 

1st Month, 8th, 1818. 

"I attended Purchase Monthly Meeting for the first 
time, and heard my admission into membership read, 
with the records of the church, which I believe to be a 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 23 

church of Christ. Although many have departed from 
the true and living faith which they profess, and have 
thereby brought reproach upon the Society, yet there 
is a seed which is pure, and the principle remains to be 
the same sound unchangeable principle that it was 
when first founded upon the Rock of Ages — Christ 
Jesus. 

My mind was not filled with so great a degree of 
sweet enjoyment as has sometimes been my happy lot, 
yet it was humbled under a sense of my un worthiness 
to enjoy those privileges I had then commenced parta- 
king. Methought my duties were now increased, and, 
if possible, my weakness and inability also for the per- 
formance of them. My duty is increased in two re- 
spects: First — I have joined myself to a Society with 
whom I have expressed full unity, therefore my future 
conduct must correspond, or I shall bring reproach up- 
on the cause. Secondly — I now profess to be on the 
Lord's side, who has said ' He that is not for me is a- 
gainst me ; and he that gathereth not with me, scatter- 
eth abroad.' — Who that is not a member of his spirit- 
ual, would wish to be a member of his outward Church? 
and who indeed can be a true member of the outward, 
unless he be a member of the spiritual ? More is ex- 
pected of me now by the world, than before ; which 
expectation I most earnestly desire that God will grant 
me strength to answer. 

4th Month, 3rd. 

Oh, sweet retirement ! — thou art my joyful compan- 
ion ; thou art the channel through which comfort is 



24 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

conveyed to my soul from the true fountain, Christ 
Jesus. I have enjoyed a good portion of this retire- 
ment to-day ; even while busily employed in domestic 
concerns my soul exclaimed within me, let others do 
as they may, as for me and my house we will serve the 
Lord. The name of a christian implies a great attain* 
ment — greater than my feelings will allow me to claim ; 
yet I cannot consider myself an entire stranger to God, 
for I do feel an interest in glorifying his name, which 
I once felt not — a love for him and his children (those 
who bear the mark of the lamb in their foreheads) 
which I once knew not ; in truth, I now see a beauty 
in holiness which once I could not discern through 
the thick vale of nature. In this knowledge, and love 
of Christ, I enjoy more real happiness than in all the 
world beside ; but instead of exalting me, I am more 
and more humbled as I live in the exercise oT it. The 
enjoyments granted to me by my Heavenly Father are 
temperate ; He seasons my joy with sorrow, and my 
sorrow with joy. In prosperity he wishes me to be 
moderate; in disappointments, patient and prudent; for 
which purpose He gives me not too great a share of the 
one, nor too heavy a burden of the other." 

5th Month, 2ncl. 

Walked out this morning 'to view the beauties of na- 
ture — I sat down and looked around upon the fields, 
astonished at the wonderful works of creation, all silent 
yet expressive : every plant, tree, and herb seemed to 
bear a sweet and solemn allusion to the great Creator. 
What strong obligations of gratitude are we under to 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 25 

Him who bestows all these blessings ! and what is in- 
comparably more, He will bestow eternal blessings on 
our immortal souls if we will but accept of them, and 
prepare while on earth ; for surely there must be a pre- 
paration, there must be a change of heart from our nat- 
urally sinful state — a new and spiritual birth of regen- 
eration. Enable me, oh Lord, to make a full surren- 
der of myself unto thee." 

12th Month, 2rth. 

Alone as to outward company — I have often remark- 
ed that I was never less lonely than when entirely sep- 
arated from all earthly companions. Often when in 
the midst of company I feel disconsolate and lonely for 
the want of that spiritual Companion whose voice is 
peace and love. The light of his countenance caus- 
es the sad heart to rejoice, enlivens the hope of his 
followers, and refreshes their drooping spirits. I am 
much relieved from bodily distress, but find it difficult 
to abstract my mind from worldly business, and feel 
that I am too easily led away by the allurements of this 
deceitful world. Oh what a mistake it is to put off the 
work of repentance for a sick bed ! If it is a great 
work in health, what must it be when we have as much 
pain and distress of body as we can bear, and death, 
with all its terrors, in view? If a guilty conscience 
then combines to increase our suffering, how awful 
must be our situation. To reflect upon the year that 
has past it appears as but a day. Fast indeed I am 
travelling towards eternity, but am I travelling as fast 
3 



26 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

toward happiness ? Am I as near the city of Zion as 
I am to the gates of eternity ? Am I daily making pro- 
gress in this great work ? Is it my greatest care to 
serve, obey, and glorify my Heavenly Father ? The 
faithful are abundantly rewarded in this short life, and 
how great is the reward which is to continue time with- 
out end ! 

1st Month, 4th, 1819. 

Another year has commenced, and where am I ? 
yet upon the ocean of life — wafting over the hasty 
tide towards eternity, where all must land at last. — 
I am amazed at my own indifference to this all impor- 
tant subject. How little did I once think I could feel 
so toward a work so essential to my happiness. May 
the power of divine grace be extended to arouse my 
heart. It was my earnest desire when I commenced 
attending school that I might not deviate from the 
path of rectitude, or bring reproach upon my profession, 
and uneasiness to my own mind; but I greatly fear 
I have often been too gay and thoughtless. 

" With pleasure let me ovm my errors past 
And make each day a critic on the last." 

31st. My favorite enjoyment in study is nearly at 
an end. It is with inexpressible reluctance that I leave 
school, as my opportunities for acquiring knowledge 
have been few, in consequence of ill health. If I had 
obtained a tolerably good education, I think I should 
be satisfied, but I believe, as far as I know myself, that 
I feel no disposition to murmur ; trusting that I have 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 27 

beeii taught in the school of Christ during my illness. 
But, alas, I have not improved in that agreeably to 
opportunities and obligations. May my Heavenly 
Father pardon my deficiencies herein. May the good 
work, which I believe was once begun, be again re- 
sumed with fresh vigor, and with the Lord's help be 
continued through this pilgrimage. 

2nd Month, 28th. 

At meeting we had the company of a woman Friend 
(a minister) who appeared to be much concerned on 
account of the state of some present, who, she appre- 
hended, had set out in the path of obedience to the 
Heavenly Master, and had made an early sacrifice of 
carnal enjoyments to serve the one true and living 
God, but after making some progress, had taken up 
a rest, short of the true rest, and sat down in a state 
of ease and lukewarmness. Such she warned, admon- 
ished, and entreated to be aroused and attend to their 
duty. Oh, may my Heavenly Father endow me with 
grace to come out of the mire of transgression and re- 
new my covenant with BQm. 

4th Month, 30th. 

Attended Purchase Quarterly Meeting. I went with 
a cold heart but with an earnest desire for improvement. 
It was held two days, and I think I never sat in a meet- 
ing in which the testimonies borne were more weighty 
and the prayers more fervent. My heart was warmed 
and my soul drawn out in humble adoration and love. 
There were some young people at the house where I 
staid, who, I fear, were too light and airy. I sincerely 



28 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

wish that all who attend such meetings may be im- 
pressed with the solemnity and importance of the occa- 
sion on which we assemble. It is professedly to wor- 
ship an Almighty Being that so many hundreds come 
together. May we weigh the subject with care. 

5th Month, 2nd, 

To the inquiry — What have I done this day for my 
Maker, or for my immortal soul ? I find no satisfac- 
tory answer ; and certainly I can do nothing that will 
be acceptable in the Divine Sight with a cold and for- 
mal heart. I mourn that I live at such a distance from 
Godj yet feel unable and unworthy to come nearer ; and 
without His grace I never can." 

In about two months after the above date she was 
taken with a very severe pain in her eyes and head, so 
that she was unable to bear the light for several weeks 
together. From this time her health gradually declin- 
ed until she was confined to the bed with typhus 
fever ; by which she was reduced so low that no expec- 
tation was entertained of her recovery ; and for five 
months she remained nearly helpless and not able to 
speak above a whisper. As soon as her health would 
admit of it, she resumed her diary, from which the fol- 
lowing observations respecting this sickness are ex- 
tracted. 

3d Month, 1820. 

Through the mercy of God I have been raised to a 
tolerably comfortable state of health, so that I can sit 
up a part of the day, and occasionally walk a little, 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 29 

These privileges now appear to me like greater blessings 
than a degree of health that would have enabled me 
to ride hundreds of miles, formerly did. This is the 
case with every blessing ; we know not how to prize it 
until it is removed. If sickness will teach me how to 
prize health, I think I shall now know how to do it if 
restored ; but, alas, there is no such flattering prospects 
before me, for as the weather moderates I feel my old 
complaints returning. Oh how trying to my natural 
feelings is the idea of being again reduced as low as I 
was last summer ! But why in looking forward, do I 
feel so much anxiety about this frail body ? Why do I 
not turn my care and attention entirely to my immortal 
soul, which is of infinitely more value ? Am I not still 
in the hand of the same merciful Friend who suppor- 
ted me in the trying hours of extreme distress ; and 
under the prospect of a speedy removal from time to 
eternity ? And is He not still as able to preserve me 
beneath the rod of his chastisement, or to withdraw it 
when he sees best ? Will he not execute justice with 
judgement ? If he takes my life, he gave it, and has a 
right to take it when he pleases. I know all this, but 
still I feel a reluctance — a something in my heart which 
prevents my giving up with cheerfulness and compo- 
sure, the idea of life and health. There is a strong at- 
tachment to life, and the enjoyments of it, which I 
think I may say, was once entirely dissolved. I regret 
to add that this has increased considerably since my re- 
covery ; yet still I may acknowledge that when there 
has been a probability of my being removed from this 



30 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

world of trial, an emotion of secret joy, at times, springs 
through my heart, and pleasant anticipations soothe my 
mind. Then I look at my situation and fear that I am 
not prepared for an examination by an impartial Judge; 
death, the king of terrors, is not quite disarmed, nor 
human nature sufficiently subdued. I know that noth- 
ing but faith in God and obedience to him will produce 
this effect, therefore, oh my soul, seek his favor with 
unceasing diligence. 

25th. Oh thou merciful and omnipotent Being ! 
who made and ruleth the heavens — who created the 
world and all things therein, condescend, I beseech 
Thee, to look down from thy high and holy habitation 
upon us, unworthy as Ave are, with mercy and com- 
passion. Give us grace, I implore Thee, to improve 
by every dispensation of thy Providence, and to be 
resigned to them, let them appear in whatever form 
they may, whether in sickness, the loss of relatives, 
or in any other of the common tribulations of life. 
Enable me, I humbly beseech thee, in a particular 
manner, to improve by this trying dispensation under 
which I have so long been laboring — a long and te- 
dious illness, and prepare me for future trials. I desire 
to render unto thee, oh Father, praise, adoration, and 
thankfulness for thy goodness, not only in prolonging 
my life, which was as a taper almost extinguished, but 
in providing a tender and affectionate parent, friends, 
and the comforts of life ; and above all the rest, for the 
frequent refreshing of thy love in my desponding heart. 
When every earthly enjoyment failed — and I cried, I 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 31 

have no refuge but in Thee, then didst thou grant the 
light of thy countenance to shine upon me ; and the 
spirit of Holiness to speak peace to my mind. Joy 
imbounded filled my habitation, and the sun of Right- 
eousness, which maketh glad the city of Zion, shone 
into the windows of my tabernacle. 

4th Month, 2nd. 

Under a feeling sense of the Lord's goodness and 
mercy, I will now pen a few sentences for future peru- 
sal. One night, nearly a week since, after having slept 
a short time, I was suddenly and severely attacked 
with pleurisy. Extreme pain brought afresh to my 
mind those agonizing hours, a few months ago, when it 
appeared impossible for life to continue long. 

" The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains 
of hell gat hold upon me ; I found trouble and sor- 
row." 

Then called I upon the name of the Lord; oh. Lord, 
I beseech thee, deliver my soul. 

Gracious is the Lord, and righteous ; yea, our God is 
merciful. The Lord preserveth the simple ; I was 
brought low and he helped me. 

Return unto thy rest, oh, my soul ; for the Lord 
hath dealt bountifully with thee." — Psalms^ 116 chap. 

I thought of those days, and my heart burned with 
gratitude to Him who had prolonged my life ; and I 
endeavored to examine how the time had been improv- 
ed since my recovery and whether my strength had 
been occupied in the service of him who gave it. The 
review afforded me a precious satisfaction ; a sweet 



32 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

composure overspread my mind, which neither gold 
nor pearls could have purchased, or tempted me to 
resign. I recalled many hours spent in reflection on 
divine things, and in renewing my covenant with God, 
with satisfaction. Oh, what a merciful Father to ac- 
cept of our feeble efforts, if we desire to love and serve 
him It is not the deed but the motive, which renders 
it acceptable. Faithfulness in little things is as accept- 
able as in larger ones, and neglect no more excusable. 

Oh, death, thou king of terrors ! oh, grave, thou 
monarch of victories ! may all your victims be pre- 
viously the subjects of Christ's conversion, love, and 
redemption, and consequently heirs of his kingdom. 

5th Month, 1st. 

Oh, Lord, prepare and soften this obdurate heart, and 
grant me thy life-giving presence to support me through 
this vale of tears ; especially in the trying season of 
dissolving nature, when it will be more needed than at 
any other time. Increase, I implore thee, that brilliant 
star, the Hope of eternal life, which is more to me than 
ten thousand worlds like this. 

6th Month, 13th. 

The path of life is strewed with flowers and thorns ; 
and if we sit down without seeking other enjoyments 
than the fading flowers and transitory toys this land can 
afford, we shall not only miss of that substantial com- 
fort and pure happiness, which we need to sweeten the 
bitter cup of affliction we must unavoidably meet with 
in life, but we shall also sacrifice our claim to those 
blessed promises of eternal life, given to the righteous. 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 33 

Better is it to suflFer a little while here, and be happy- 
forever after than indulge in worldly pleasures for a 
short time, and spend an endless futurity in misery. If 
our faces are firmly set Zion-ward, we shall receive, at 
times, a fragrance from thence, which will sweeten our 
toils and strenthen our souls to persevere. 

16th. Praises to my Maker, who gives health, peace, 
and competency when it is best that we should have 
them. These are all that I desire ; and I am thankful 
for such a degree of each as He sees meet to afford. I 
lately rode a mile to visit my brother's family, for the 
first time in eleven months that I have been so far from 
home. 

25th. An exercised mind when I retire for the niofht 
causes me to have many solemn dreams. Sometime 
since I dreamed that I stood upon a high precipice, be- 
neath which was eternity. There was nothing to pre- 
vent the people from falling from this platform if they 
went carelessly to the edge, or were drawn there, and 
the instant they stepped off, they were plunged into a 
fathomless abyss, to a return] ess distance. Methought 
there was a net drawn across the platform, and I was 
astonished to find myself caught in it, and moving with 
an irresistible impulse toward the brink. I looked on 
every side to see if there was any way to escape, but 
found none. I then endeavored to see if I were pre- 
pared for eternity ; and thought I was not fully pre- 
pared, which occasioned deep anxiety. At length I 
thought I was rescued through the unmerited mercy of 
Jehovah, and permitted to go free for awhile to finish 



34 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

my preparation for that great change. A true picture 
of my late sickness. May 1 improve the space allowed 
me in preparing for that home. 

8th Month, 20th. 

Again has the Lord been pleased to lay his chasten- 
ing rod upon me. Truly my soul ought to bless him 
for his mercy in restoring me thus far. I am again 
able to sit up and walk a little, though very feeble. 

27th. Oh, the necessity of living near the fountain 
of life, as a preservation from the pollutions of this 
world ! Most Holy Father ! be pleased to grant me 
thy sustaining arm underneath, and keep me near thy 
precious fold. 

Few days pass over my head wherein I do not say, 
or do something, which, on a review, causes regret. It 
is written that we shall give an account of " every idle 
word" — how little does it appear, from common conver- 
sation, as if this was our expectation ! 

9th Month, 1st. 

a i "VVhile the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered 
and slept.' " How many there are who have set out in 
good earnest, and run well for a season, on their way to 
Heaven, but are lulled to rest at last, and become again 
entangled with the world. Oh Lord, set thou a guard 
before my eyes and every other faculty, lest the world 
should enter again through these avenues to my heart. 

lOth Month, 5th. 

A memorable circumstance has occurred within the 
circle of my acquaintance. A healthy girl, sixteen 
years of age, who had been very wild, and even pro* 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 35 

fane, was seized with her last illness, when her mind 
became convicted in a remarkable manner. She had 
not even been instructed in the Christian religion, yet 
her heart was opened, enlarged, and made wise in di- 
vine things. She told her parents that she and they 
had been living as if they had no souls to save or lose 
— reproved and admonished her brothers and sisters in 
such an affectionate, impressive manner, as melted 
their hearts. She manifested a composure, a greatness 
of mind, and extensive knowledge, which nothing short 
of the power of God could furnish. When a fear was 

expressed that she would say too much, she replied : 

^ The Lord gives me strength and words, and I must 
speak them.' " 

nth Month, 12th. 

Again is my heart bowed in reverent thanksgiving 
to the Author of all good, for his mercy and preserva- 
tions during a journey and visit to New- York, which I 
was favored to enjoy beyond the expectation of my 
friends, in my feeble state of health. Whenever I vis- 
it that large city every faculty of the mind is brought 
into exercise. I mourn because of the wickedness, 
hardness of heart, and depravity which abound. My 
heart glows with affection and sympathy for the sick, 
afflicted, and oppressed, while I esteem and love the 
pious, sincere followers of Jesus, who appear to be toil- 
ing in the way of the cross, animated by the anticipa- 
tion of a crown at the end of the race. 



36 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

16th of 4th Month, 1841. 

I feel an unusual depression of spirits this morning. 
Oh, what innumerable occurrences are permitted to 
take place, to try human hearts ! Far be it from me to 
murmur or repine at any thing which may befal me, — 
but sensible I am that I need divine aid to keep me 
from it. The great Jehovah fills the whole infinitude 
of space, and is present with every contrite heart. — 
Surely none need his life-giving presence to support, 
his wisdom to direct, his long-suffering and pardoning 
mercy more than myself Are any of his dependent 
children so week, so frail, so unworthy as I am ? 

5th Month, 2nd, 1821. 

To-day I am neither prepared for work, study, nor 
meditation. I have endeavored to engage in each 
separately, but have failed ; and now I have retreated 
to a cool sequestered grove, remote from the busy 
scenes of life, to call forth, if possible, the powers of 
my mind in reverential meditation. Surely an unde- 
vout mind, seated thus, disburdened of selfish cares, 
could do no less than adore that Almighty power who 
created all that exists, both animate and inanimate. 

llth Month, 4th. 

Most Holy Father grant thy blessing to rest upon me 
and mine ; I humbly acknowledge our unworthiness of 
thy notice, yet, oh Father, extend thy mercies beyond 
our deserts. Grant, I implore thee, grace and confi- 
dence to the saint, to the serious enquirer, and to the 
thoughtless sinner, to come unto thee with full pur- 



\ 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 37 

pose of heart, and cast themselves at thy feet ; not de- 
laying through weakness of faith or a sense of their un- 
worthiness. Oh, for preservation ! my soul craves it as 
" the sure mercies of David." I feel nothing to com- 
plain of but my own depravity, lightness and vanity. 
Merciful Benefactor, be pleased to overlook the moun- 
tain of my transgressions, and through thy loving kind- 
ness, for the Redeemer's sake, pardon my sinful heart. 

Uth Month, 13th, 1822. 

Since my father's second marriage, I have engaged to 
teach a family school at Westchester. It is a great un- 
dertaking, as my dear parent observes, to go among 
strangers, who know not the delicate state of my 
health ; but I leave the future with Him who cannot 
err. My request is to be supported through every 
change and trial which it may be my lot to experience. 

3rd Month, 16th, 1823. 

Many are the vicissitudes of human life, and few are 
the earthly joys of a heart like mine. When I meet 
with tribulation, I wade through it, weighing causes 
and consequences until my heart sinks ; and were it 
not for an infinite supporting power, it would long ere 
this have sunk under discouragement. 

When shall I cease to be sad and lonely in the midst 
of company ? And when shall I be privileged with the 
opportunity of indulging in solitude ? I can truly say 
I am least lonely when personally alone. I feel an 
unusual depression : may it not be removed until the 
necessary effect has been produced — the humbling of 
my mind. 
4 



38 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

17th. Alas, what a scene have I passed through 
within the past week ! On the night of the 14th5 the 
house in which I resided was consumed by fire. The 
heads of the family were absent, and all in the house 
wrapt in sleep until the flames had made rapid progress 
towards our beds ; and in all human probability, we 
should have been smothered by the smoke in a few mo- 
ments more. Merciful indeed, is that God who preserved 
us in the hour of danger. I awoke first. I cannot ex- 
press my feelings at that time. I alarmed the family 
as soon as possible ; and after getting the children out 
of the house, assisted the domestics in removing the 
goods as long as my strength and the fire would admit. 
Having promised to take all possible care of the family 
and of the house, a sense of my responsibility compell- 
ed me to sacrifice my own clothing, and endeavor to 
save what I could of the property of those who were 
absent. When, for a moment, 1 regret my loss, I re- 
member how willingly I made the sacrifice to give sa- 
tisfaction, and to save that which was more valuable 
I can truly say I do not regret one thing I did, or left 
undone. 

5th Month, 25th. 

My school is now small, but I am constantly with 
the children, and the more 1 witness the opening buds 
of the tender mind, the more I feel the responsibility of 
my situation. 

7th Month, Uth. 

How swiftly time rolls by ! When a week, a month 
or a year has passed, it is like the rolling billow that 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 39 

has gone from our sight ; but we are not as if we had 
not existed during that period, for we either feel satis- 
faction or regret for the manner in which it has been 
spent, and it will more or less affect our future happi- 
ness. 

On the 1st of 6th month, 1824, Catharine took charge 
of a large school in the neighborhood of her father's 
residence, and boarded with a married sister. The 
pain in her head and eyes, with which she was much 
afflicted before, now became more severe, and almost 
incessant. Still she endeavored to continue her school 
(the latter part of the time through great suffering) but 
at the expiration of two months she was obliged to 
leave it, and seek relief from medical treatment, under 
the paternal roof. She, however, indulged a hope ot 
soon being able to return to it again, but in this she 
was disappointed, as her strength wasted daily — noise 
and light became exceedingly painful, and in three 
weeks time she was confined to her bed. Excepting one 
short ride with her father, soon after she left her school, 
she was confined to the house, and almost entirely to 
her bed the remainder of her life. While describing, 
some years afterward, the mental conflicts, as well as 
physical sufferings she endured at that period, she 
writes thus : — 

" I tried every possible exertion to keep up and use 

exercise ; when I could not see to use my needle or do 

other work, I swept the room until I was so weak as to 

tremble for hours after it. I still tried to walk, but 

finally in going from one bed to another, I repeatedly 



40 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

fell helpless on the floor ; partly in consequence of de- 
bility, and partly from the effects of the disease upon 
my back and hip. The doctors said that every exer- 
tion increased my diseases, and I must submit to con- 
finement, and endeavor to resign myself to the result. 
I was convinced of the correctness of the reasoning, 
but the idea of close confinement, especially when I 
recollected my former one, seemed insupportable, and I 
begged that I might be spared from it, even if it were 
the design of heaven to take my life. But my choice 
was unwarrantable, nor had I much time to meditate 
upon it, for in a few days I became entirely confined to 
my bed." 

She afterward adds : — " The second winter of my 
sickness, I was occasionally able to guide my pen, but 
for some years after I only wrote with a pencil, being 
quite unable to use pen and ink," 

The following is taken from a letter to one of her 
friends, dated 12th month, 10th, 1825. 

" Health is too great a privilege for me to enjoy, or 
even a relief from extreme suifering, for any length of 
time. What an invaluable privilege to be comfortable, 
what a luxury to be able to serve one^s self ! But it is 
in wisdom appointed otherwise for me ; and I endea- 
vor to banish anxiety, but do not say how far I have 
succeeded. Like other attainments, it is desirable but 
difficult. Though my body is bound with more than 
adamantine chains, the mental part cannot be confined 
within the narrow limits of this secluded chamber." 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 41 

1st Month, 3rd, 1826. 

A temporary relief from pain, and some return of 
strength, have often revived my hopes of health but they 
have never been indulged long without a succeeding ill 
turn to warn me from future anticipations. Under my 
complicated afflictions, it is mercy, unmerited mercy, 
that preserves me from sinking into despondency. — In 
mercy the Lord brought us into existence ; in mercy 
prolongs life, and blesses with prosperity; in mercy per- 
mits the heavy hand of affliction to rest upon us, to wean 
us from the things of time and sense, and shew us that 
every earthly enjoyment is transitory, and life but a 
probationary state in which to prepare for eternity. 
When I reflect how marvelously He has supported and 
carried me through my sufferings, I am lost in wonder 
and astonishment; repeatedly has he raised me from the 
borders of the g^rave and rescued my mind from the brink 
of despair. The greatest sorrow has often been suc- 
ceeded by unutterable joy : Avhich I would not exchange 
for perfect health, and the command of the yorld. 
Would strength permit my pen should often be em- 
ployed in commemorating the grateful emotions of 
my heart. 

2nd Month. 

Disconsolate feelings are not always the dispensa- 
tion of Providence, but we sometimes bring them upon 
ourselves. Of this class are mine to-day. I strayed 
from the bower of composure and met a mirror in which 
I beheld myself in my full garb of frailties, weakness, 

and innumerable deficiencies ; in consideration of 

4* 



42 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

which I am bordering on discouragement. If my ex- 
ternal changes regulated or ruled the mind I should have 
great cause to dread the frequent relapses of violent 
pain, but they are often exactly in opposition to each 
other. I have of late been supported through pains, ap- 
parently, sufficient to demolish this feeble tenement yet 
my mind has mostly been favored with a secret com- 
posure ; and for unknown purposes I am relieved and 
left to pursue the voyage of life. 

The surface of the ocean, now calm and smooth, 
may soon be ruffled by boisterous winds, and on its 
mild bosom the highest surges soon may roll ; but 
there was never yet an endless storm. Though our 
bark be slender, if judiciously managed — every duty 
faithfully performed, we shall doubtlessly be favored to 
reach a peaceful haven. 

Without perseverance — without a strict adherence to 
the inward guide, the pilot of the soul, we cannot ex- 
pect to be finally landed on the shores of eternal Rest. 

[Extracts from a Letter, dated 2nd Month, 1826.] 

If we faithfully sfferve our Heavenly Father we have 
the strongest assurance of divine direction and conso- 
lation here, exclusive of that reward in the world to 
come, prepared for the righteous. The way is open to 
all, and we are invited but not compelled to choose the 
right path. Many are the inducements to step aside ; 
yet the further we advance in the straight and narrow 
way, the clearer our prospect of duty will become, 
and those mountains of opposition which appeared to 
obstruct our progress, will, by faithfulness sink beneath 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 43 

our feet. Great sacrifices are seldom required — every 
temptation that is resisted, is a sacrifice ; and we feel a 
measure of the same satisfaction in attending to small 
duties, when they are required, as we do in fulfiling 
greater ones ; and the same reproof for neglecting 
them, unless our feelings have become blunted by dis- 
obedience. I know how natural it is to procrastinate 
while in health, and even when deprived of it, as long 
as a faint glimmer of hope fliatters us with the idea of 
recovery ; but when there is a prospect of sudden dis- 
solution, the question arises—" Is our peace made be- 
tween God and our own souls ?" and then would we 
give all we possess on earth for this assurance. It is 
dangerous to put oflf the work of a whole life to the 
uncertain and awful crisis of a sick bed ; for if our 
life is not taken away suddenly, our reason may be. 

A peaceful mind in sickness, is worth every sacri- 
fice we can make, and as far exceeds every other joy, 
as remorse of conscience exceeds every other sorrow. 

3rd Month, 11th. 

Oh may I never let the mournful information, that a 
fellow-mortal has departed, pass unheeded through my 
ear. Whether it be friend or stranger, nobleman or 
vagabond, it is the same solemn warning — ' Be ye also 
ready' — I am qualified by experience not only to sym- 
pathise with mourners, but with the soul that considers 
itself upon the brink of eternity. Awful indeed is that 
situation, unless the life-giving presence of the Prince 
of Peace illumines the dark valley. I have repeatedly 
been viewed by myself and others as passing through 



44 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

the last change, and memorable, and indescribable were 
my feelings. Sometimes, though in great distress of 
body, I have been favored with that peace which the 
world can neither give, take away, nor comprehend ; 
while at other times I was involved in gloom and dark- 
ness, which would have been insupportable, but for an 
invisible arm underneath that kept my soul from despair. 
It seems mysterious that a life, apparently so useless as 
mine, should be prolonged, while so many useful ones 
have been removed. The consideration of this, and the 
loss of their friendship and sympathy, has deeply de- 
pressed me on hearing of the deaths of several dear 
friends and neigbors, who have often extended to me 
the hand of kindness and affection during my illness ; 
and some of them have spent many a night in my 
solitary chamber, soothing my aching heart. 

18th. When worn with pain, my strength exhaust- 
ed and all my friends can do fails to relieve, I am 
willing to try the uncertain aid of medicine. I live by 
temporary relief, and it is as thankfully received by 
me, as a cure by those who have more strength, and a 
short sickness. 

6th Month, 2nd, 1826. 

I am permitted once more to see my birth day. Life 
is a blessing — may I not abuse it. Death is a blessing 
when prepared for it. Twenty seven years of my life 
are past, no more to be recalled than ^the years beyond 
the flood'. On reviewing the past, the question arises — 
'what report has it borne to heaven?' If favorable, I 
cannot regret that it has fled forever ; if unfavorable, I 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 45 

regret the mis-improvement, rather than that it is not to 
be passed again. 

lOth Month, ISlh. 

I think self-indulgence is one of the greatest hin- 
drances to christian advancement. We must learn self- 
denial and humility, or we cannot walk in the paths of 
rectitude Zion-ward, which are not strewed with flow- 
ers to please the carnal mind, but with crosses and tri- 
als to prove our sincerity and faith. This path is new 
to each, and the experience of others cannot make it 
familiar to us ; nor their labors answer instead of ours, 
any more than their happiness can satisfy our souls. 
We must each do our own work, and the hope of future 
happiness will cheer and animate the pilgrim in his 
toilsome journey. 

It is a consolation that " the battle is not always to 
the strong, nor the race to the swift." When I strive 
with all my might and cannot advance one step ; when 
I exert all my powers to gain the conquest, and find I 
have no strength, precious indeed is the privilege of 
calling upon the Lord for help. What unmerited 
mercy to find this divine help after wandering long 
and solitarily until the soul is ready to sink under suc- 
cessive clouds of sorrow. May I never cease to be 
thankful for feeling, at times, under the shadow of 
these clouds, humility and innocence as an armor 
against the adversary, who follows us into every situa- 
tion, and is as busy in retirement as in public scenes ; 
but the divine power is greater, and is every where to 
protect us, 



46 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

11th. I know not why it is so, but my lips have been 
sealed for a long time with regard to religious conver- 
sation, especially on doctrinal points, even when in 
company with those with whom I formerly felt un- 
limited freedom on these subjects. I often fear some 
will think these all-importan t topics have become less 
interesting to me, but it is not the case. I cannot speak 
unbidden (even when I know that some who visit me 
are looking for something from me,) I ought not — I 
dare not spend the portion given for my own support. 
I have felt bitter regret for so doing ; and severe con- 
demnation for refraining from speaking when bidden 
to do it. Perhaps if I had not been thus silenced I 
should have joined in the general controversy in so- 
ciety, which for me, would have been very wrong. 

It is not our business, or, at least not mine, to at- 
tempt to search into the hidden mysteries of Provi- 
dence ; but to be faithful to known duty, to cultivate 
humility and submission to our Maker, and love to the 
whole human family. 

All are brothers and sisters, equally entitled to the 
Divine favor so far as each believes and obeys. It will 
not be asked in a future state — who is of this, or of that 
persuasion, but who is a meek and lowly follower of 
a crucified Redeemer. 

lOth Month, 6th, 1826. 

The enjoyments of my mind of late are like the 
dew-drops of the morning, precious, but few and scat- 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 47 

tering ; resting lightly and almost imperceptibly upon 
the tender plants. 

' The gentle dews, distilled from heaven, 

Revive the drooping flower ; 
So Godlike piety was given 

To soothe the mournful hour.' 

This precious enjoyment, in the secret of the mind, 
is the only sure consolation of a grief- worn heart, this 
will support the soul in sickness and affliction when all 
the powers of earth fail to afford comfort, or to miti- 
gate the pains of the body. 

I am thankful for the least crumb of the bread of 
Life, but I must wait for an increase, in the cool se- 
questered shades of silence and mental retirement, 
where true happiness is only to be found. My dear 
brother felt it to be so, when on his death bed, after 
earnestly entreating his family to prepare for eternity, 
he said — ^I want to be alone in some corner where I can 
be still and meditate upon these things.' 

nth Month, 10th. 

In the early part of my sickness I often thought my 
mind and body comparable to a small boat on the bois- 
terous ocean, subject to constant changes, one hour in 
a general calm, and perhaps the next in excessive agi- 
tation, tossed by the tempest upon the mountainous bil- 
lows, and apparently ready to be swallowed up by the 
next bursting wave. It has really appeared as though 
my slender bark was often so far sunk beneath the 
foaming waves of disease and pain, as to leave no pros- 



48 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

pect of again rising. I am somewhat revived just now, 
and I am bound in gratitude to acknowledge that al- 
though my body remains thus changeable, my mind has 
for a long time enjoyed a uniform calm. 

14th. This world affords us nai-esting place unless 
our souls are at peace with the Lord ; then may we 
wear away the appointed number of our days with 
gladness, seeing that the expiration of each advances 
the time when we are to tread the hallowed courts a ■ 
bove, where unalloyed rest shall be secured to those who 
have faithfully served their Sovereign Lord. How in- 
comprehensible the enjoyment of his open presence, 
and that of the Angelic host, when even a glance of his 
countenance fills the heart with such unspeakable 
peace. Nothing short of this enjoyment, and a prepa- 
ration for its completion hereafter, is worth living for. 

Some say that what we imagine we enjoy is a mere 
delusion, for which some natural cause may be assign- 
ed. I am confident that it is no more a delusion than 
are the heavens and the earth, and all the visible crea- 
tion. If there is an earth, there is a heaven ; if a mor- 
tal on earth, there is an invisible. Almighty, superin- 
tending Power existing in heaven and pervading un- 
limited space ; and as certain as there is either, there is 
a precious, free communion between the spirit of God 
and the soul of man. It is there he makes known to 
us our duty, and if we neglect it we are in danger of 
unbelief, for, ^as many as are led by the spirit of God 
they are the sons of God.' 
When I have been unwatchful and inattentive to my 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY, 49 

duty, these things have appeared of less importance, 
and these enjoyments of less value ; which proves that 
a darkness of mind, caused by unfaithfulness, induces 
us to doubt Divine truths. It is his spirit alone that can 
unseal the Sacred Volume to our understanding and 
instruction. 

Oh, that I could win others to " come, taste and see 
that the Lord is good." " Blessed is the man that trust- 
eth in him." But it is not for me to say that my thorny 
path is continually illuminated by his glorious presence, 
far otherwise. 

The latter part of autumn she was again brought 
very low in body and mind, and remained so through 
the winter ; yet she occasionally used her pencil, and 
afterward, at the request of some of her friends, and 
by the help of her pencilled notes, she wrote the fol- 
lowing account of her sufferings. 

" I was so extremely ill that it is astonishing to me 
that I could write any during the winter, but it did ap- 
pear as though I was fitted for that exertion when I 
could bear no other, not even speaking. I feel totaly 
unable to convey any real idea of what I then suffered 
— and all I can say seems but a very faint description ; 
but oh ! those heart-aching scenes cannot be reviewed 
without thrilling every nerve. When the violence of 
pain subsided, faintness, or spasms came on, and at 
times heavy agues shook me. I once lay several hours 
motionless and speechless, yet in great agony, as if na- 
ture was struggling to survive the attack, but had no 



50 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

power. My reason for a time forsook me, and after 1 
revived, my debility was so much increased that for se- 
veral days it seemed almost impossible to survive from 
hour to hour. After a few days of temporary relief, I 
was again seized with a similar turn, but not quite as 
helpless or speechless, so that my distress was more vi- 
sible. D. S. Roberts says they thought me in the cold 
embrace of death most of the night ; such universal 
coldness that constant friction, and warm applications 
did not warm me until near morning. The seat of 
life was convulsed, and respiration almost ceased, yet 
such a struggle for breath that every part of the body 
Avas exerted to the utmost, until my muscular strength 
would entirely give out, and a sinking turn follow — 
and then another struggle. Thus passed that dreadful 
night, my friends being called to witness as they 
thought, the last conflict ; but, alas, little did they or I 
know how long their wearied patience was to be tried, 
and dread suspense to hang around us ! I do not re- 
member the state of my mind, but only that my father 
conversed with me. 

Soon after this, another night was spent in as great 
distress of body, and attended with the greatest mental 
conflict I ever experienced. No tongue can tell, nor 
heart conceive, the depth of it, except by experience ; 
and I am ready to think a uniformly illuminated 
mind, if such there be, would consider it impossible 
that a heart which had been changed, could be the 
receptacle of such deep distress, such horror and black 
despair, as then filled my breast. I feared that I had 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 51 

indulged false hopes of a change of heart, and oh, 
how insupportable my situation ! racked with pains 
which threatened every moment to demolish my earth- 
ly tenement, and fix my soul for ever and ever in an 
unchangeable state of torment, what would I not have 
done to avoid, and to induce all to avoid such dreadful 
despondency, even for a short time ! What would I 
not sacrifice during the longest life, to be redeemed 
hereafter from such misery in a future state. 

The experience of that season has enabled me to feel 
for the wicked, the inattentive and desponding, more 
than all that I had ever before experienced, and has more 
frequently drawn me to the Holy Altar, in supplication 
on their behalf, than all the peace and exalted joys that 
I have known. It was then I felt the need of unmeri- 
ted mercy — the need of redemption by the Lamb of 
God ; and the need of the united intercessions of sur- 
rounding friends. My own were constantly and fer- 
vently offered, but "the heavens seemed like brass, and 
the earth like iron ;" and the ear of the Eternal One 
deafened. 

I remember that I had no ray of light or hope, ex- 
cept a fixed resolution to spend my whole strength to 
the last in supplicating and wrestling for mercy, 
whether accepted or rejected. As Jacob wrestled until 
the morning light for the blessing, so did my fainting 
soul ; and may I never cease to praise the everlasting 
Arm of mercy for again lifting me from the horrible 
pit, and setting my feet upon the banks of deliverance ; 
and putting a new song into my mouth, even thanks- 



52 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELV. 

giving and hallelujahs to the Lamb that was slain, and 
liveth forever. Before the morning light the great deep 
was broken up, and the dry land appeared, and my 
soul was fixed in a firm dependence upon the Rock of 
Ages. I am now thankful that I have drank of the bit- 
ter draughts of punishment, as well as of the pool of 
his living waters, so that I am prepared to sympathise 
with every class, and convinced by experience of the 
awful terror and dismay of the soul under the frowns 
and absence of the Lord of Hosts. 

I remained very low for months. For four weeks 
together I could not be moved to have my bed made, 
and sometimes could not even be turned in bed for sev- 
eral days. Once, for six days, if an attempt was made 
to turn me, my breath seemed to vanish like a breath 
of air ; but at the end of that time I revived and asked 
to be turned, and though it was done very slowly and 
carefully I felt as though the world was turning in- 
stead of me. The debility was on my vitals, or motion 
would not have affected me as it did. 

The suspense, and constant expectation of death 
rather wearied my mind, and I was often shocked by 
frequent changes, not knowing but it might be a death 
change, the natural dread of which was not entirely re- 
moved ; and if ever so welcome a release, still retains 
its awe and solemnity. 

In first month, 1827, 1 had a severe attack of influ- 
enza, by which my lungs were so much affected that 
the cough and tightness was not wholly removed for 
two years. Within a few hours after the first symptoms 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 53 

appeared, I was threatened with suffocation from a col- 
lection of phlegm, similar to the hives, which I had 
not strength to raise. I felt a constant irritation and 
inclination to cough, but was so weak that I could sel- 
dom make the effort. I remained in this situation for 
four days, when the medicine I had taken caused me 
to vomit for six or eight hours, which relieved me 
though I was so exhausted as scarcely to be able to 
breathe. The cough and tightness of the chest continued 
for weeks, and I often lay in a cold sweat for hours from 
severe distress, and a death-like feeling, arising from 
what the doctors called strictures on my lungs. About 
this 'time D. S. Roberts burnt her hand very seriously, 
and I was obliged to have another nurse for some 
months, but I was so low that it was thought imprudent 
to leave me with those who from not being accustomed 
to it could not understand me; and to those dear friends 
who then stayed with us I am still truly grateful. 
May each friend and physician who has aided me in 
my sufferings, be an hundred times rewarded, and 
when stretched upon a painful or helpless couch, receive 
redoubled kindness, and be soothed as they have sooth- 
ed me. 

In retracing by-gone years, and calling to mind the 
many changes I have been carried through, by the 
same hand that still upholds me, and has not wearied 
with my many infirmities, I feel the strongest assurance 
that he will not now forsake, but remain to be an ever- 
lasting refuge — a God of mercy and love. ' The 



54 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

Lord hath chastened me sore ; but he hath not given 
me over unto death :' — 

^ I will praise thee, for thou hast heard me, and art 
become my salvation.'" — 118th Psalm. 

12th Month, 1st, 1827, 

After this attack of influenza, she remained so low 
for nearly a year as to be unable to use her pencil ; but, 
about the close of the year she was favored with a miti- 
gation of pain and little renewal of strength, so that, oc- 
casionally in the >vinter and summer of 1828, she wrote 
a few lines at a time during the latter part of the night 
when a profound silence reigned throughout the house. 
The following extracts belong to that period. . 

'^ A long confinement has ever appeared to me inex- 
pressibly trying, and nothing short of the condescend- 
ing mercies of Jehovah could have supported me thus 
far, nothing short of his power could have enabled me 
to submit patiently to it. I am humbly thankful that 
I am at times relieved from the severity of pain ; and 
for the charity and sympathy I received from many 
people ; and I beg that they may be pardoned who do 
not exercise that tenderness towards me, for they know 
not what they do. May their hearts be softened. 

2nd Month, 10th, 1828. 

How solemn the lonely hours of night, when spent 
in sleepless retirement ! It is my lot to pass a great 
part of them in this way, but not destitute of precious 
enjoyment. Such seasons afford a favorable oppor- 
tunity to implore the mercy of Omnipotence, and to con- 
template the wonders of his glorious kingdom. We 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 55 

cannot hide from his all-searching eye ; and if we 
could we should find no rest, for sin will unceasingly 
carry its thorn with it ; were the rocks and mountains 
permitted to cover us, the sting of sin would still 
pierce the unrepenting heart. May I then be preser- 
ved from a desire to conceal, or indulge one idle thought, 
word, or deed, but spend each moment as though his 
eye was visibly upon me. The dead silence of the 
midnight hour is particularly calculated to draw forth 
the soul to its Maker, and cause it to feel naked, and 
fall prostrate before him. 

12th. How great a privilege to be able to do with- 
out disturbing the repose of others, whether I sleep 
or not ; for more than half my illness I have been 
dependant upon others to take care of me during the 
night ; and it is marvelous what willingness, what 
kindness and affection they have manifested. Some 
poor sufferers have wanted more care than was thought 
necessary, while I, no more worthy, have wished to be 
left alone, but my friends would not consent. I now 
often suffer for attention, as I am unable to adjust my 
bed clothes, and often become faint by trying to get 
drink or food that is within my reach ; but I carefully 
avoid letting it be known, for fear they will not leave 
me in future. 

2nd Month, 20th. 

It is said that ^ safety dwells remote from multitude.' 
But is it often found there ? Our adversary is as busy in 
private as in the throng, and if he diverts the mind from 
useful meditations, his end is as completely gained as 



56 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

if by a crowd of business in the public haunts of men ; so 
that safety dwells no where but in Divine preservation . 

3rd Month, 24th. 

A part of the winter I have appeared to gain strength 
during intervals of severe pain, and consequently have 
indulged too much expectation of returning health, but 
oh, how soon the stern hand of disease again bows all 
pertaining to humanity ! I need no flattering language 
from friends or physicians to raise my hopes and spirits, 
my own disposition is prone to do this beyond any 
real grounds of encouragement and nothing short of 
Divine grace can guard me from the fault. Cheerful- 
ness was natural to me in health, and now it is my 
duty not only to submit patiently, but cheerfully to 
my lot, by the assistance of Him who requires it. When 
it is said that 1 am patient, it uniformly strikes my mind 
— what cause have I to be otherwise ? 

4th Month, 20th. 

With the hope that I may reap instruction from it if 
I should fall into the same error again, I note the fol- 
lowing. Sometime since I had for a while thought 
myself so unworthy, destitute, and vile, that I almost 
concluded that it was wrong for me to call upon the 
Lord for mercy or preservation. Though I felt my 
danger to be unusually great, I did not dare to pray, and 
in this awful fear, not knowing what would be my 
doom I fell asleep. I thought I was placed on the 
side of a high steep hill, surrounded by avast extent of 
miry swamp and briers. That I hung by a few slen- 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 57 

der twigs which I caught hold of, but my strength was 
so far spent that I expected every moment to fall into 
the abyss below, where I must inevitably perish. I 
then found confidence to call upon him whom I had 
thought too pure to hear my defiled petition, who put 
forth his hand and supported me in that perilous path. 
I have never in my waking hours felt greater thank- 
fulness for preservation, or any outward mercies, than 
at that time. My 'path in life is in reality difficult 
and dangerous as that appeared, and to omit my 
utmost exertions, or to let go my hold upon the slen- 
der twigs of faith, I should be in imminent danger of 
sinking into the depths of ruin. 

5th Month, ^nd, 1828. 

A great part of the solemn season of the long win- 
ter nights, was spent in wakefulness, and often occu- 
pied in reviewing my n^xrn. spiritual situation, and that 
of others, as far as they were opened to me ; and in 
imploring the Shepherd of Israel to revisit his flock, 
and refresh them with green pastures. In the more 
laborious exercises there are enjoyments not often at- 
tained in a relaxed and easy state of mind. We are 
prone to wish for still waters, but the troubled waves 
are less dangerous than stupidity. 

My opinion is confirmed by long experience, that to 
endure protracted sickness with meekness, requires 
more fortitude, patience, perseverance and resignation, 
than any public duties, afflictions or privations in 
health. Hannah More beautifully expresses this view 



58 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

of the subject; she says — ^If the intellectual powers 
be mercifully preserved, how many virtues may now 
be brought into exercise, which have either lain dor- 
mant, or been considered of inferior worth in the pros- 
perous days of activity. The christian temper indeed 
seems to be that part of religion which is more pecu- 
liarly to be exercised on a sick bed. The passive 
virtues, the least brilliant, but the most difficult, are 
then particularly called into action. To suffer the 
whole will of God, on the tedious bed of languishing, 
is more trying than to perform the most shining ex- 
ploits on the theatre of the world.' *' 

6th Month. 

The chastening Hand has again been laid heavily 
upon me, sealing the force of the last sentence — in 
which is included the mental as well as physical suf- 
ferings we may be called to endure. Within the last 
six weeks, I have drank of both these bitter cups ; pain 
and languishing were not the whole will of God ; the 
desertion, I cannot say darkness, which I experienced 
when very low, alarmed me lest my flight should be 
in the winter season. I felt my own insufficiency even 
to think one good thought, or to raise an aspiration to 
heaven ; nor could I call to mind, or claim one promise 
of the Sacred Volume, until sister named one — " He 
will lay no more upon us than he will enable us to 
bear" — which was the very one my sufferings had al- 
most led me to doubt. What a consoling privilege, 
what a mercy, in such trying seasons, to find that the 



Memoir of Catharine stELY. 59 

dear friends who surround our beds, are the friends 
and followers of the blessed Saviour ! It is true that 
^^no man can redeem his brother, nor give to God a 
ransom for his soul ;" but the great work of repentance, 
regeneration and redemption must be accomplished be- 
tween Him and our own souls. He has promised to 
hear fervent petitions, and who does not sometimes 
feel the need of having the frail mind stirred up by- 
way of remembrance, particularly when too weak to 
collect the thoughts, with approaching eternity before 
us. Then some pious counsel may help to cheer the 
desponding heart, and centre the wandering mind upon 
the Rock of Ages. We are all willing, perhaps, to b^ 
useful in our own way and time ; but are we willing 
to be so in the Lord's way and time ? If so we must 
seek to know his will, and to be qualified by faithful 
obedience to answer his requiring. 

Here the question involuntarily arises — "into whose 
hands are the means of usefulness most frequently 
placed ? Who is the most frequently called to witness 
scenes of sorrow and death. Is it not the physician ? 
The pious minister is occasionally seated by the lan- 
guishing beds of a part of the community with messa- 
ges of love ; but the physician's call is to friend and 
stranger ; to the destitute, friendless and profane, in the 
depths of adversity. When the mind is softened by 
affliction, it is the most susceptible of divine instruc- 
tion ; and when every token of sympathy, or conso- 
. ling word, is a cordial to the soul, if received from 
those who are administering the cup of hopeful relief, 



60 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

it increases the confidence. How vastly important 
then that they be men of God, and willing instruments 
in his hand ; seeking his aid, and immediate direction 
in the treatment of cases where the lives of ther pa- 
tients are put into their hands. And asking wisdom 
to administer the balm of consolation and instruction 
to the bleeding soul, and to bind up the broken heart. 

Then would they be Samaritans indeed ; whose la- 
bors would be crowned with success, and whose minds 
would be richly rewarded with the blessing of hea- 
venly peace." 

1st month, 14th, 1S2S. 

" Oh, Thou, by whom we come to God, 

The light, the Kfe, the way, 
Thyself the path of prayer hast trod, 

Lord teach us how to pray !" 

This prayerful feeling is not at our command — is 
not always given. Be pleased, adorable Father, to re- 
move from my heart all hardness, selfishness, and 
every thing that is opposed to thee ; and purify and 
fit me for thy service. Direct all things according to 
thy will and pleasure, and in mercy prepare me for 
whatever is before me, whether sickness, sorrow, life, 
or death. Deal with me, I entreat thee, according to 
thy tender mercies and loving-kindness, and not ac- 
cording to my merits. I thank thee for making me 
sensible that afflictions are for my good. 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 61 

Soon after C. Seely was confined to her bed, her be- 
loved cousin, Deborah S. Roberts, proved the strength 
of her attachment and tender sympathy, by relinquish- 
ing her home and every youthful enjoyment for the 
sake of attending upon her afflicted relative, to whom 
she supplied the place of mother, sister, and nurse, as 
far as it was possible for one person to do so, until her 
own health sank beneath the weight of her cares — 
never again to be fully restored. It was about the 1st 
of 8th Month, 1828, that D. S. R. was taken with a 
bilious remittent fever — ^went home, and was not able 
to visit Catharine in several months ; to whom the 
time of her absence proved a season of the most pain- 
ful anxiety, suspense, and privations that she had ever 
experienced. Those who were present at the hour of 
parting, describe it as a heart-rending scene, and be- 
lieve that it contributed not a little to increase the ill- 
ness of both. 

In writing, some time afterward, upon the subject, 
C. S. says : — 

" The trial, which, of all others, I most dreaded, now 
came upon me, and was even greater than I had an- 
ticipated. I had not imagined the extent of my ad- 
ditional sufferings in consequence of Deborah's ab- 
sence. The only one left to take a mother's care of a 
helpless sufferer, was then removed — no one to main- 
tain a uniform quiet when my scanty breath was sink- 
ing ; and no one whose influence could still the noise 
about the house, when it was aggravating my trembling 
nerves. Alas, what anguish then was mine ! Mys- 



62 MfiMOlR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

terioiis Providence^ how hast thou led me through the 
deep, and permitted the turbid billows to break over 
my fainting head ! and yet thou preservest me alive, 
but for what purpose, weak, finite mortals, cannot de> 
fine. Thou only knowest, or can mark the bounds of 
that which is to come ; but in vain do I live, if I add 
not to the honor of thy sacred name — contribute not* 
to the relief or consolation of some desponding fellow- 
sufferer. 

Preserve me, I beseech thee, most holy Father, from 
wasting the precious time allowed me — -help me to 
be unceasingly grateful that the present time is more 
favored than those agonising days — and that the un- 
told afflictions which then attended me are removed ; 
and enable me, in an especial mannerj to appreciate the 
blessing of having my Deborah to reside again with 
me in improving health." 

Extracts from a letter addressed by D. S. Roberts, 
to the compiler of this Memoir, who was not at that 
time personally acquainted with C. Seely, but had 
written to her for the purpose of obtaining information 
respecting the peculiar features of her case, will, per- 
haps, give a better idea of the intensity of her suffer- 
ings than can be gleaned from her own memoranda: — 
It is dated, 

Darien, 2nd Month, 8th, 1830. 
RESPECTED FRIEND! — 

The request of my dear, and affectionate cousin, 
C. S. combined with the sympathy I feel for thy simi-^ 
larly afflicted sister, induces me, at this time, to address 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 63 

one to whom I am but partially known, in answer to 
thy favor of the 3rd inst. to C. S. who is unable to re- 
ply to it herself Her exquisite sufferings, and extreme 
debility required the unabated attention of an interest- 
ed friend; and as her sisters were all married, I con- 
sidered it best, and necessary to turn my attention 
closely to her case, which I did for four years, only 
leaving her one night in that time. In the early part 
of her sickness, noise, light, or the least stir in the 
room, so distressingly affected her that for a great part 
of the time I sat alone by her bed, without admitting 
any company, except occasionally a particular friend. 
1, of course, had the best opportunity of any one to 
know what she endured ; and should I attempt to de- 
scribe her sufferings, language would fail to set them 
forth, and none but those who have either experienced: 
or witnessed, as .peculiar a case, could either compre- 
hend, or believe it possible for human nature to sur- 
vive but a small part of what she has endured. She 
has often been reduced so low that, for days together, 
no individual but myself could understand a word 
that she uttered. She knew not when she needed 
food, nor how much to take, but I gave it to her when 
I thought best, and in such quantities as I thought 
proper. She had no natural tone to her stomach, and 
took no animal food for a great length of time— pana- 
da and arrowroot being her principal diet while so low. 
Her diseases were so complicated that when one bad 
symptom abated, another quite as discouraging would 
ensue; and if the medicine administered had a favor- 



64 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

able effect upon some of the most obstinate diseases, it 
often irritated her nerves to an almost insupportable 
degree. Severe pain in her head, eyes, back and side, 
with distressing sickness at her stomach, (though she 
seldom vomited) constituted but a part of her suffer- 
ings. She obtained but little rest or sleep during the 
night — tried anodynes without much effect, and a 
small quantity of opium would often produce such 
faintness that it appeared unsafe to give it, but by ta- 
king the extract of hyosyamus several days in succes- 
sion, it would sometimes allay the most acute pain in 
her head, and procure rest when every other remedy 
failed. She was afflicted with frequent spasms in dif- 
ferent parts of the system; and for nearly a year con- 
stantly had spasms in one side as frequent as her 
breath. For two years or more she was subject to 
turns as indescribable as peculiar, lying for hours ap- 
parently insensible to every thing, though noise would 
then distress her more than at any other time. It was 
neither sleep nor faintness, but a little similar to both 
and appeared like an entire exhaustion of nature. We 
could scarcely perceive her breath, and a stranger 
would have thought life had ceased. It was very unu- 
sual for her to have these turns during the night, but I 
remember being called up once or twice by those who 
watched with her, and were not particularly acquaint- 
ed with her symptoms, who thought she had suddenly 
expired. She said she recollected nothing at these 
times but distress, and the time appeared to her as if it 
had not been. Her physicians tried various remedies 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 65 

to dispel and prevent them, but to no effect ; yet the 
turns of extreme faintness which attended her, were 
far more distressing than these, in which it often ap- 
peared as if nature would sink in opposition to every 
effort. 

I believe I have now mentioned the most conspic- 
uous symptoms of dear Catherine's long protracted ill- 
ness, which was attended with a numberless variety of 
other difficulties ; all of which she bore with such re- 
markable patience and composure that it diffused a 
sweetness and great serenity over her countenance. 
Her entire dependence has been on Him whom she has 
found to be ^^ mighty, and able to save." For about two 
years past her sufferings have gradually abated — med- 
cine has had more effect, and her strength has increas- 
ed beyond our expectations, yet she continues subject 
to very ill turns, though less frequent, and not often so 
severe as formerly. My own indisposition prohibits me 
from seeing her at this season of the year. Having 
witnessed such a train of sufferings as has been permit- 
edto arrest my dear cousin, and having since been re- 
duced below much prospect of recovery myself, has pre- 
pared me to sympathise deeply with those who are lan- 
guishing on a suffering bed even more than I can ex- 
press. Although the sympathy of our friends, or the 
tender affection of our relatives, cannot mitigate pain, 
yet it often serves as a balm to the aflicted mind ; but 
nothing short of Divine consolation can support when 
all external objects afford no enjoyment. 

Catharine has been able the most of the winter to 
6* 



66 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

sit in a chair long enough to have her bed made, which 
is considered very smart for her. I think for more than 
two years she could not raise her head from her pillow, 
turn herself in bed, nor bear sufficient light in the 
room to clearly discern different objects ; neither could 
she speak above a whisper, nor bear to hear any per- 
son's voice, but now when most comfortable she can 
speak a few words at a time with her voice ; and we 
really have some flattering hopes of her recovery." 

By turning again to her diary, we find the follow- 
ing observations. 

6th Month, 1830. 

" I earnestly implore divine assistance, in attending 
to the impressions on my mind, however small which 
I may clearly feel to be of divine origin. No one, I 
presume, has had greater cause to believe in the im- 
mediate communication of the Almighty to the human 
mmd than I have. If I should doubt this I should be an 
unbeliever in every point ; for when I have attended 
to these impressions I have always felt satisfaction for 
it, but the most severe regret and condemnation for ne- 
glecting them. Never shall I forget how clearly my be- 
loved father's decease and the attending circumstances 
were presented to my mind for months previous to his 
death. It is a grievous truth that I am now an orphan; 
I can no longer find shelter under the protecting arms of 
an indulgent father and mother ; their love and par- 
tiality can no longer cover the faults, inconsistencies 
and weakness of my mind, and my conduct in life ; 
neither can they shelter my homeless head, console 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 67 

my desponding mind, or administer relief to my pained 
and emaciated body ; yet I can place my dependence 
upon one whom I know to be a merciful and able Pro- 
tector, and who I believe, will, in his own time, afford 
succor. 

It sometimes appears strange to me that so useless 
a life as mine should be so marvelously prolonged, and 
I am almost ready to fear that others have reason to 
regret it, but am I to blame ? If I have at any time 
been too anxious to live, I ask pardon of Him, who, I 
believe, knows I had no desire for life, but to feel fully 
prepared when it should be his will to take me to him^ 
self 

1st Month, 12th, 1831. 

How illuminating to the dark tribulated path of life are 
the rays of the Sun of Righteousness ! The life which 
would be dreary without it, is made pleasant by this 
supernatural light ; and without it I should often sink 
into discouragement under the complicated trials and 
scenes of sorrow which are continually my lot. A few 
months since a valuable minister, E. G. observed to me 
in an encouraging testimony, that the three children in 
the fiery furnace were unexpectedly presented before her 
mind in allusion to me. She said, ^ of a certainty 
though the furnace be seven times heated, and thou in 
the midst, the flames shall not kindle upon thee, nor 
scorch the hem'of thy garment ; the guardian angel of his 
presence will be with thee and bring thee forth unhurt ; 
and He, who also preserved the children of Israel in the 
Red Sea, will divide the waters that thou may pass 



68 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

through dry shod.' For months I had been extremely 
tried on every hand, in outward concernSj but felt un- 
paralelled support from a divine source. Oh! how true 
that the waters were divided and stood in heaps, for 
unless they had been, I should surely have been over- 
whelmed, as no human aid was sufficient at that time. 

When E. G. was here my trials seemed rather less, 
but soon the clouds gathered with increased heaviness, 
and I was again tried as to an hair's breadth, when in 
one sleepless night " the furnace " was presented as my 
present case. Then the force of her language (which 
I firmly believe was divinely authorised) did strongly 
encourage me. No finite hand could have supported 
me under such trials, but an Infinite hand did shield 
me, and when he saw me sufficiently purified from any 
will or choice of my own, and fitted for his purpose, 
he withdrew me unhurt, and rejoicing in his power and 
goodness. I did not ask, in the deepest trials, that the 
flames should be quenched, but only that they might 
not kindle upon me ; and for ability to bear all with 
christian fortitude and resignation, and to act my part 
with wisdom and discretion. 

Although we cannot do any thing for ourselves, we 
have a part to act, without which we shall not be 
saved. Good and evil are set before us, and the power 
of choice given to us ; if we, to the end of life, choose 
the good, it will be well with us ; but if we choose the 
evil, it will be the reverse. I see no safety but in 
constant watchfulness, and prayer to Almighty God to 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 69 

guard and protect me on every side, and that I may 
not be left to myself. 

I feel that the final change may be near — ^but if I 
have yet a work to do on earth, my life will be pro- 
longed ; if not, I think I am more than willing on my 
own account to go hence. I feel an earnest desire to be 
in some degree useful to a few of my friends, to my 
sisters, and especially to my only brother and his fami- 
ly ; also to my long proved friend, my dearest cousin 
D. S. Roberts. We have been united in such a way 
that I think even death will not long separate us." 

This impression of C. Seely's like very many others 
she has recorded, was fully verified ; for she and her 
beloved cousin died within five days of each other. 

5th Month, 8th, 1831. 

Every thing around me is fluctuating and uncer- 
tain — nothing permanent but sorrow, pain, and trials ; 
they, or a course of them, are as certain to me as the 
return of the sun. If I am attached to the world it is 
without any pleasing inducement, for I have neither 
a flattering prospect of health, wealth, nor a smooth 
path to walk in ; but one which is thickly strewed 
with briers and thorns, and impassable mountains, 
without supernatural strength. The Almighty sees 
and knows all my troubles, and probably permits them, 
to prove my confidence ; but in his tender mercy gives 
strength and patience to endure all that he permits to 
befal me. If, by our neglecting to watch over our- 
selves, the enemy induces us to make a miss-step, he 
permits us to suffer, for the purpose of showing us our 



70 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

deficiencies, helplessness, and dependence upon Him. 
Every trial binds me more closely to Him, and increas- 
es praise and honor in my. heart to his eternal name. 
Oh how earnestly do I beg to be preserved from dis- 
honoring the cause which I profess to espouse. 

In unmerited mercy and condescension, I am often 
enabled to feel within myself what is right, and 
what is wrong in cases of doubt and uncertainty with 
regard to temporal concerns. Whenever I am about 
to make any choice or change, I seldom dare to do it 
until I feel a secret guide in my own mind; and if, 
when the way is made clear, I attend to that, I always 
succeed to my satisfaction, even when it is opposite to 
my own inclination ; but if I go counter to it, I ever 
find myself in the wrong. The trying season is when 
I am in uncertainty as to what is, or is not my duty. 
Then do I wrestle, as one of old, with the Lord to 
make known to me my proper path. 

I often wish, but wish in vain, for seclusion from 
the world — its observation, tumults, cares and perplexi- 
ties, but it is not yet practicable — perhaps not right ; 
for though I seem to be secluded from the busy haunts 
of life, I am often called to act, through agents, on its 
stage. My various trials are increased by a prospect of 
becoming, in some measure, dependent upon others for 
support, which to me is a keener afiiiction than pain of 
body. If I remain sick, and my expenses are as great 
as they now are, my property can hold out but a few 
years longer, and for this reason, I have, with the as- 
sistance of my nurse, kept a very small djy goods 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 71 

store, for a year past ; but many difficulties attend, so 
that I have made it a subject of prayer whether to con- 
tinue it or not. 

21st. My dear Redeemer is more and more precious^ 
I lack strength to commemorate his praise* Peace and 
tranquility are now granted me, and all, I believe, is 
well." 

She then gives a circumstantial account of one of 
her low sinking turns, in which she suffered extreme- 
ly, for several days, with faintness ; and for want of 
a nurse who knew how to attend upon her at such 
a time ; D. S. R. being confined at home with sickness. 

She then adds — " Oh how I miss D. on such occa- 
sions, but in humble reverence I must acknowledge 
that the Shepherd of Israel was with me, and comfort- 
ed me with a firm belief that if I was taken then I 
should experience a happy release, and find rest in the 
presence of my Saviour. 

Soon after this a young man, who had formerly been 
intemperate, called with his father to have some con- 
versation with her upon religious subjects ; but through 
diffidence, and inability to raise her voice sufficiently 
for him to hear at the distance at which he sat, after a 
little conversation with the father, she let them depart 
without relieving her mind to the son, who died sud- 
denly soon afterward. The deep regret this circum- 
stance occasioned will appear in the following para- 
graph, dated 7th mo., 1830. " Oh what condemnation 
does my soul feel at this hour ! What can I render to 
the Lord for all his benefits but obedience, and this I 



72 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

have omitted or refused. I have repeatedly said re- 
quire what thou wilt at my hands and it shall be free- 
ly offered ; and now when a little was called for I have 
withheld it through diffidence and procrastination, 
and because I could see no benefit that would be likely 
to arise from it ; but now it is too late, and I feel con- 
demned that I then hesitated because I saw not the 
cause. To day I have heard of his death. Oh when 
shall I cease to err ; when shall I be as obedient as I 
ought to be ? This circumstance brings to my mind 
one of the tenderest ties of nature, my dear father, 
whose lonely and desponding heart I omitted, as I 
thought through incapacity, to cheer and encourage 
to the full relief of my own mind. Even now the re- 
membrance of it overcomes me and no tongue can ex- 
press, or pen portray my feelings on the subject. 

If these imperfect sketches should ever come into 
the hands of others, may they serve as a warning to 
induce them to shun the rock upon which my peace 
has for a time been split. Oh, that I had language to 
persuade all the children of men to obey the voice of 
their heavenly Teacher, for in that they would have 
peace unspeakable, flowing as a river from the inex- 
haustible fountain, which maketh glad the whole city 
of Zion ; but disobedience will yield confusion of face 
and greater distress than all the adverse vicissitudes of 
life. See then to yourselves, all ye that have gifts, 
that ye smother them not to your own condemnation, 
and the loss of others. Oh that we could resign the 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 73 

desire of judging, into the hand of Him who is alone 
able to judge aright. 

It is not for us to judge of the importance of our im- 
pressions of duty, or of their use, but to do the work 
daily set before us, whether greater or smaller, and the 
reward will follow. And it will have its effect whe- 
ther we ever know it or not." 

In consequence of the reduced state of the society in 
that neighborhood, a very small meeting, consisting 
of only a few individuals, was held in her room twice 
in a week with but, a few interruptions, for the last 
ten years of her life. Her father's and uncles' families 
were the only members, though occasionally some of the 
neighbors would step in, or visiters from a distance 
sit down^with them. After her father's decease, and 
her step-mother's removal, and at a time when her cou- 
sins were prevented by sickness from attending the 
mid-week meeting, she addressed the following letter 
to them. 

7th Month, 1st, 1831. 
DEAR COUSINS I — 

The letters of females are said to be the pure effu- 
sions of the heart, and these communications from one 
sick bed to another may truly be styled so. As our 
minds are too apt to be wholly taken up with that 
which we are personally engaged in, it becomes neces- 
sary to set apart some time in which temporal employ- 
ment shall not interrupt devotion. And when anything 
7 



74 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

occurs that others cannot sit with me, or they are pre- 
vented from coming to meetings, I do not feel as if 
this time was entirely my own to spend thoughtlessly ; 
though I believe it to be perfectly right, when neces- 
sary^ to attend to other duties of life during the time 
usually spent in meeting. But we must not plead ne- 
cessity when it is only to indulge in our own gratifi- 
cations, or our too strong attachment to business, or 
a miscalculation in not arranging our business season- 
ably to have a spare hour or two for solid reflection. If 
we are disposed to be in the use of means, these means 
may be blessed to us. Meetings are a blessing of 
divine origin, and exercised minds generally feel it an 
incumbent duty to attend them, yet of themselves 
they can do nothing but open the way for us to do for 
ourselves, by the assistance of redeeming grace. The 
careless way in which they are too often attended, 
and the great proportion of empty, formal professions, 
compared with the number of really religious ones, 
are evidences that meetings are not the fountain, but 
the auxiliaries of good. 

Now, sisters, we cannot arise and go to a house of 
public worship, to large assemblies, where is to be our 
meeting ? Is it not in the secret of our own hearts, 
with the eternal Judge, the Author of every tender 
mercy, 4n whom we live, and move, and have our be- 
ing,' both temporal and spiritual. No where is his 
love and presence felt more than on a sick bed— no 
where is there a larger field open for meditation, Avhen 
favored with strength of mind, and clear mental facul- 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 75 

ties. But as this is not often the case long at a time, 
and the pain of the body will often interrupt medita- 
tion, it shews the necessity of improving the hours of 
mental health. 

Were there no other enjoyments but the transitory 
pleasures of life and health, we, or at least I, should be 
the most wretched of mortals ; if none were afflicted 
but the most depraved, or those who finish their course 
in wickedness, without repentance, forgiveness and ac- 
ceptance, we might be in total despair. But is there 
any temporal enjoyment equal to the heartfelt satisfac- 
tion of discharging our duty to God and man, and to 
our own souls ; and of attending to the secret intima- 
tions of truth, however small, in our own hearts ? 
These enjoyments I do not always have, for my fre- 
quent errings prevent it, but I have felt them enough 
to prize them above health, riches, honors, and all that 
the world contains ; and have felt the reverse enough 
to know and dread the bitterness of neglected duty. 

In prosperity we are apt to forget that repentance is 
the first step towards life eternal ; and He who sees our 
wanderings like a tender parent, chastises to reclaim, 
reproves to instruct. And what are his chastisements ? 
afflictions of every kind ; the sickness we now endure 
is one, and is intended as a cord of love to draw us to 
himself; let us then yield to it, and improve by every 
dispensation of his providence either to ourselves or 
others. 

Let us not consider all afflictions and privations, for 
we have ever participated deeply in each other's joys 



76 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. ^ 

and soiTOwSj and I trust ever shall. But let us read, 
for our enjoyment the 12th chapter of Hebrews. You 
are privileged to live together, so that when one suffers, 
the other, with a tender mother's assistance, can com- 
fort and console, while I am left dependent on different 
persons, and to grieve for the absence of each sister and 
near connection ; not a mortal at this time within reach 
or call, still more to mourn over the irreparable loss of 
a dear father and mother. Oh, how heart-rending is 
this reflection ! only consoled by the hope that they 
have gone to the Father of spirits, who will be a father 
to me, and that I am still favored with a brother and 
sisters, aunts and cousins, whose sympathy and care, 
and occasional visits, constitute a larger share of my 
temporal happiness than you are aware of If ever one 
person was the means of prolonging the life of another, 
my beloved D. has prolonged mine, by affording that 
care and assistance without which I could not have ex- 
isted. My friends, physicians and neighbors, were 
also instruments in the hand of the Almighty to prcr 
serve my life, and to my latest reflecting moments 
shall I feel the utmost gratitude, and make them a 
subject of my prayers, that they may be benefitted by 
such a lesson. And to him who thus kindly disposed 
their hearts do I feel inexpressibly grateful. My ear- 
nest solicitude now is, that your exertions may not be 
lost, as labors in rearing a useless plant. 

May you soon feel the restorative hand, axid may the 
overshadowing wing of divine Love^ which I think is 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY, 77 

here, cover your minds, with your endeared mother, 
whom I this day miss." 

Your affectionate sister-cousin, 

C. SEELY. 

7th Month, i9th, 1831. 

" I am a poor creature, the weakest of the weak, and 
oh how destitute and dependent I am ; I cannot take 
one step of myself, and fear to remain stationary, lest 
when the present time is gone by I shall see that I 
ought to have advanced with it. I have been waiting 
the whole day for divine direction in a temporal circum- 
stance, and it is often surprising to see in what minute, 
as well as important circumstances, I am followed with 
reproof and admonition. I am a child of the moment, 
often lying in a profuse perspiration while hesitating 
about my affairs, when it would be mortifying to have 
it observed by those around me ; but even this affords a 
change and helps to fill up my time. 

lOth Month, 17th, 

My pen has been silent for some time in consequence 
of severe pain, which has of late been abundant ; and 
at others I have felt incapable of writing. When the 
pain in my back is somewhat relieved I can sit up a 
little, but for four days past it has been excruciating in 
my head, and my eyes and throat are often swollen 
with scrofula. 

Soon after seven years of my confinement had pass- 
ed away, I was dressed, and with the assistance of my 
brother and nurse walked a few steps without lasting 
injury. The idea of walking elated me so, that in a 
7* 



78 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

week I again requested others to assist me, who held 
my weight while I pushed my feet about two yards, 
after which I lay exhausted for hours. The pain in 
my back and side again became severe, and in conse- 
quence of weakness and trembling it was several 
nights before I could get any rest. I felt discouraged 
because I could not bear as much exercise as many 
people thought I could ; but after suffering exceeding- 
ly, I resolved not to go again so much beyond my 
strength to convince others of the bad effects of over 
exertion upon me. All my friends, physicians, and 
nurses, who are fully acquainted with my case, oppose 
my trying so much to sit up and use exercise, but 
some who know nothing of my strength, or of my pe- M 
culiar diseases, think more exercise would do me good, 
yet I rarel}?- pass a day with so little exercise as not to 
get very much fatigued, and frequently too much so to 
rest. It is so difficult to submit to entire confinement 
that I find my submission more deficient in this point 
than any other. Oh, Father, direct all things as thou 
wilt, only enable me to acquiesce. 

7th Month, 8th, 1832. 

Oh, adorable Sovereign ! be thou our strength in 
weakness, our present help in time of trouble. I ear- 
nestly entreat thee, dearest Father to help us to repent 
and turn from the evil of our ways, and prostrate our- 
selves at thy holy feet. Help us to bewail the wicked- 
ness, and the merited desolation of our country, and 
of the world generally. Truly thou art a God long- 
suffering, and slow to anger. Long, very long hath 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELV. t9 

thy wrath been stayed with mercy, while thy spirit 
has been grieved with the great wickedness of the hu- 
man family. Oh, Father, have mercy though we de- 
serve it not. Have mercy, I pray thee, upon us for 
Christ Jesus' sake, that we perish not in our sins ; but 
sanctify to us individually this approaching scourge, 
(the cholera) "and leave no heart untouched, but bring 
all to know and to live in thy dear Son." 

After the above prayer, she writes thus: — 
"Oh, that Ave may be found ready to meet the dread 
messenger of death. May the God of mercies be 
with us : May each heart turn in humble adoration, 
and true repentance to him ! Hitherto ours has been 
a highly favored country, but those privileges which 
ought to have been received with national and individ- 
ual gratitude, humiliation and reverence to the blessed 
Giver, have been neglected and abused by hearts wick- 
edly estranged from him. How much boasting has 
there been of a country of freedom, while thousands 
within her bosom are groaning in cruel bondage, for 
whom my heart often aches. 

Many refuse to use the product of their labor, and I 
too have thought much upon the subject, but do not 
feel warranted in refusing it. In this, as in all other 
respects, I wish to do as my Father wills, and not ex- 
cuse myself. 

Time appears increasingly precious ; and an indus- 
trious care for my little concerns seems requisite ; but 
whether I have much to do or not in spiritual matters 
is known only to Him who sees the secret of my heart. 



80 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

May it be plainly shown me what I have to do for 
myself, or for others ! Oh, how little my dear brothers 
and sisters know the love and solicitude I feel for them, 
and how often I seek for their nearer union with their 
Maker." 

About this time she was suddenly taken with a 
severe attack of cholera, and apprehended that her life, 
which she had offered as a willing sacrifice for that of 
her friends, would now be accepted ; yet she recovered, 
and soon after penned the following sentence. " Whe- 
ther my secret offering of myself for my friends was 
acceptable or not, is only known to Him to whom my 
aspirations ascended ; but if it was, my submission, it 
appears, only was called for ; and my mind is often 
bowed in humble gratitude that the circle of my dear 
relatives and friends has not been broken in upon by 
death. 

3rd Month, 2nd, 1833. 

A subject which necessarily claims my attention has 
hitherto occupied my mind without producing the least 
degree of anxiety, and a peaceful silence reigns when- 
ever I turn my thoughts towards it. It is relative to 
leaving the residence of my dear brother — the home of 
my dear parents and grand parents ; but the time 
draws near for a decision, and in all probability trials 
are before me ; yet 1 shall have the satisfaction of 
thinking that in this thing I have known an entire sub 
mission, earnestly desiring to be rightly directed and 
not left to my own choice. Time only can fully show 
the effect of a change in my feeble state of health, but 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 81 

as an inexpressible quietness pervades my mind, I 
hope for the best. The exertion and exposure will un- 
doubtedly augment my sufferings, but to Avhat degree 
is at present unknown. Though repeatedly told that 
I may return whenever I please, which, as an evi- 
dence of kind affection, and a proof that I am not 
merely a burden, as some poor sufferers are, is a 
greater satisfaction than I can express ; yet if I go, the 
state of my health forbids the pleasent idea of ever 
again entering the home of my beloved ancestors — my 
birth place, and the scene of unnumbered joys and 
sorrows, yes, here was passed my happy childhood, and 
may I not say many happy though afflicted years of my 
youth." 

Although personally unknown to each other, a 
similarity of disease and suffering constituted a bond 
of affectionate union between C Seely and her afflicted 
friend, Eliza Field, which was only dissolved by the 
death of the former. And many were the messages 
of sympathetic interest, and tender regard that for 
years passed between them, as the following extract 
from one of Catharine's letters will shew. 

" I want thee, my sister, to be encouraged by hearing 
of my present degree of strength, and remember that 
the same hand that has partially relieved and restored 
me, can relieve and restore thee. Remember too, that 
the years which are past, are not, with their sufferings, 
to be passed again, but we hope better ones will suc- 
ceed either here, or where pain and trouble cannot 
assail us. How sweet the reflection that a release, 



82 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

sooner or later, is certain, which shall commence an 
endless course of bliss to thee, my dear Eliza, and even 
to me, if my sinful inattention does not prevent it ; 
for sure I am that nothing will be wanting on the part 
of my dear Saviour ; but we must wait his time, 
which is marvelously hid from us. 

When I hear people speak of a long illness, of a few 
weeks, or months continuance, I think how differently 
thou and I would express it ; and how little they 
know of a sickness that continues until year after year 
revolves, bearing the same report, ' no material change.' 
And every retrospect increases my adoration and awe of 
that omnipotent Power which has supported us so long." 

It was several weeks after her removal before she 
was able to use her pen at all ; and then only at inter- 
vals, in consequence of the extreme faintness occasion- 
ed by every physical or mental exertion. Yet from 
several short letters to her distant, though anxious 
friends, we gather the following particulars. 

6th Month, 1833. 

^^ I am now quietly settled in my new home and still 
feel the sweet consoling evidence that all has been 
rightly ordered. On the 30th of 4th Month, at eight 
o'clock in the morning, a number of my friends met, 
and kindly conveyed me one and a half miles to this 
place. It was a beautiful day although the sun was 
partially obscured by friendly clouds, which was a 
favor indeed, as I have never been able to endure his 
beams since I have been ill. 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 83 

I lay on a small bed with double curtains over me, 
and was carefully borne on the shoulders of four, and 
sometimes six men. We were two hours on the way, 
as they sat me down nine times to rest. Some of my 
dear connections were with me, and others waiting 
here to extend every possible kindness, and soothe my 
wounded feelings at leaving my beloved home ; but 
the kindness of heaven was ever in my soul to bear 
it up and prevent the indulgence of every natural 
weakness, so that I was perfectly composed, and not a 
tear gathered in my eye, until I was laid on my bed 
here, which was caused by the extreme tenderness of 
my brother and sister ; but through secret aid, I was 
soon enabled to gain the reins of government over my 
feelings. 

"Although I was carried as carefully as possible, 
every step jarred me so much that I was in a profuse 
perspiration, yet by fanning, and stimulants, was pre- 
vented from being faint, though much oppressed for 
breath. My blood beat with the most agitated velo- 
city, and after I got here the pressure was so severe 
that I thought I could not long survive it without re- 
lief, which was finally obtained by means of Dr. P's. 
prescriptions, who kindly offered his aid. 

" Most of the spring I had not rested well during the 
night, but while many of my friends were in sleepless 
anxiety, 1 slept well the night previous to my remo- 
val, which was a great favor as it prepared me in some 
measure to bear the fatigue. May I never cease to be 
thankful, and to resign my whole heart to Him who is 



84 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

far more capable of choosing for me, even in the smal- 
lest circumstances, than I am for myself I have not 
only changed my home, but there is not an individual 
here who was with me in the other house which causes 
much fatigue and inconvenience, but less than could 
be expected, in consequence of having my dear D. S. 
Roberts often with me, which prevents that loneliness I 
should otherwise feel. Seeing my beloved aunt is a 
great and unexpected favor ; her tottering step and 
trembling frame shew that her course is nearly run, 
while her whole demeanor, bespeak her path to be 
peaceful and her treasure in heaven. 

" For three days after I got here I was very sick and 
full of pain, but was not sensible of any natural feeling 
of fatigue ; yet for six weeks afterward I was very low 
and faint, and felt as though every drop of my blood 
was tired and stimulated. Sometimes for a half, or a 
whole day I had deep sinking turns, and was very 
faint, with extreme pain in my head and eyes ; my 
mental powers were also much affected so that the 
recollection of coming here appeared like a dream. I 
am still very weak, and every exertion produces faint- 
ness, but I can now bear nearly as much light as usual 
in my room, and if I recover in the course of this 
summer I shall consider it a great favor." 

7th Month, 21st. 

I again resume my pen with the hope of glorifying 
Him who enables me occasionally to use it. 

All praises, glory and honor are due to him who re- 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 85 

sides in the heaven of heavens — rides upon the cheru- 
bim, and views the whole earth with a single glance of 
his eye, and yet condescends to notice and dwell with 
finite man ; to notice his minute necessities, to supply 
his needful wants, and to pour the healing balsam into 
his wounded soul, and speak peace to the contrite sin- 
ner's heart. The Lamb immaculate has been touched 
with the feeling of our infirmities, and in our sorrow 
feels more for us than the most tender parent, soothing 
us at times with his holy presence. 

Blessed, blessed be his Eternal name, that I have 
been favored so long with the benign radiance of his 
countenance. Not a cloud has assailed me, nor a des- 
ponding hour been mine, since I surrendered my 
whole heart and will to him relative to my moving. 
My sickness, my trials, my circumstances in life, are at 
times arranged before me as mountains and hills, but 
that precious promise is verified : ^^ the mountains skip 
like rams, and the little hills like lambs," and rivers of 
peace and tranquility fill the space. Oh, how can 1 be 
so ungrateful as to repine at my lot, or shrink from the 
rod, that, through submission on my part, brings these 
peaceful fruits from the hand of my God, my Father 
and Saviour, my all in all. 

Oh ! that every one, kindred, friend and stranger, 
may partake of the precious bounties of the Most 
High ; but more especially do I crave the fulness of 
spiritual joys for the afflicted of every class, and par 
ticularly for those like myself, on languishing beds, 
8 



86 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

who, in the extremes of bodily and mental weakness, 
need more than ordinary grace to support them. 



To E. F. 

Darien, 12th Month, 9th, 1833. 
MY DEAR ELIZA: — 

Although it is two months since I have heard par- 
ticularly from thee, my mind is almost continually 
with thee, not only through the day, but in the so- 
lemn sleepless hours of night, and in my wandering 
dreams. Sometime since I dreamed of an interview 
with thy sister — which seemed so much like reality, 
that I thought I would write the encouraging conver- 
sation respecting thee that passed between us, but as I 
lay for two weeks extremely faint, I cannot now re- 
member many of the particulars. I thought we were 
passing through a busy, confused and dirty city, and 
1 had to step with the utmost caution not to soil 
my feet, or touch any thing on the right hand or on 
the left. I said to thy sister — ^ tell Eliza we have only 
to pass through, this is not our home, and we shall soon 
be where this toilsome care will cease ; and I want 
her to be encouraged with the recollection that the arm 
which has encircled and sustained her thus far, is not, 
cannot be shortened. His power is unlimited, his wis- 
dom infinite, and his mercies sure. Our confidence 
in man may meet with disappointment, but in him it 
cannot.' 

How conspicuous has been his supporting presence 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 87 

during the trying scenes of the past year, not only in 
the important changes of my residence, with the un- 
certainty of surviving or recovering from the fatigue 
and exertion, but through my increased sufferings, 
which, during the summer and autumn, have frequent- 
ly been equal to Avhat they were in the first of my ill- 
ness. Very little of the time have I felt able or capable 
of writing, so that I am often ready to conclude I 
must resign all intercourse with my distant friends. 
I cannot sit up at all, nor be moved but rarely, with- 
out an extremely faint day ; yet my head is not as 
constantly painful as through the summer, and my 
mind less affected, and clearer than for four months af- 
ter moving, which I consider a greater favor than relief 
from pain. While writing this I have had several 
severe ill turns, so that I have been obliged to do it at 
distant intervals. 

Thy affectionate sister-sufferer, 

C. SEELY. 

12tli Month, 15th, 1833. 

*^ In 9th Month last, I was suddenly taken with a 
very ill turn, which brought me so low in body and 
mind, that I could see no one but my nurses without 
fainting for hours after it. What an inexpressible 
mercy that my mind was kept by a tender parent, per- 
fectly peaceful and quiet, or I think I must have expired. 
Oh, may it have its proper effect ; and may my lamp 
be trimmed and burning, for at an hour that I think not, 
the bridegroom may, and probably will come. 



88 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELtf. 

3rd Month, 11 ih, 1834. 

Ohj how unpardonable it would be for me to dis- 
believe in the immediate revelation of the will of 
God to the mind of man. We cannot see beyond the 
present, unless our spiritual eyes are opened, through 
condescending grace ; but true faith leads us to believe 
without sight. May I ever obey this inward voice, 
however uncongenial to my own feelings or to the 
views of others. I had thought my heart was replete 
with submission, but now it revolts under a sense of 
weakness and frailty." 

Here follow some particulars relative to a letter she 
thought it her duty to write, but delayed in conse- 
quence of not knowing of any opportunity to send 
it. One, however, unexpectedly presented which 
caused her to proceed thus. Oh, hov/ deeply was I 
involved in shame and sorrow ! I was prostrated in 
dust and ashes at the feet of Him who alone could raise 
me, but permitted me to remain there for a season, for 
my full abasement. He showed me that by neglecting 
His time I had lost the opportunity. His time was that 
morning, but mine was another day. Oh, my frail hearty 
when wilt thou cease to judge for thyself ? When wilt 
thou learn that all things are possible to that wise and 
holy Being, who condescends to guide one so weak, so 
low, so unworthy as I am, in his useful, though seclud- 
ed service ? In humble penitence I took my pen, but all 
capacity was taken from me ; but after much toil and 
suffering I was permitted, at the last hour, to write by 
another conveyance, to the relief of my own mind, 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 89 

though without a doubt but that the delay would oc- 
casion loss in some way. I now feel a sweet solace for 
having obeyed at last, though ashamed at the recollec- 
tion of not doing it more readily. 

4th Month, 2nd. 

How often have I cause to commemorate the good- 
ness of the Most High. He has again been pleased to 
reduce me, and is again raising me up. Two weeks ago 
I was taken with a cold, and inflammation in my head 
and throat, so that I suffered beyond description, and 
never passed a week with so little nourishment; some 
days uot even taking drink to exceed three tea spoons 
full. D. S. R. was ill at home but soon came to me, 
and says it was so extremely hard to see my sufferings 
that she thought she could make any sacrifice, if I 
might be relieved ; but it was shown her that she had 
nothing to sacrifice, that she owed all, and more than 
all, and must submit to see me lie in helpless distress. 
She often says my sufferings are in part for her, and 
truly I believe our trials and exercises are inseparably 
interwoven, and known only to ourselves and our 
Maker. 

Previously to this illness I had for some weeks 
been more comfortable than at any time since I moved, 
and could not avoid feeling real encouragement ; but 
as a serene atmosphere and cloudless sky often precede 
the most tempestuous weather, so it is with my inter- 
vals of relief But oh, how immaterial will this anguish 
appear, when time shall cease, and immortality begin f 
8* 



90 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

then shall all my sorrows be succeeded by endless 
joySj if I remain firm in the Lord Jesus. The secret 
thought of almost every moment of late has been^ 
Father direct me, and leave me not to my own choice 
or strength ; I am thankful that I am accounted wor- 
thy to suffer deep exercise of mind in thy service, lest 
I should become idle and indifferent, a state most of all 
to be dreaded. 

12th Month, 10th. 

Sustain, oh, eternal Father, sustain I entreat thee, 
this sinking heart ! Futurity is my aim, but yet the fu- 
ture is dismay ; may I be preserved, may grace, 
strength, and perfect resignation be given to do, and to 
endure, all that is before me, is continually the breath- 
ing aspiration of my heart. My soul is bending beneath 
a load which Thou alone canst remove ; but oh, re- 
move it not until its full effect is produced upon this 
benighted heart. My most frequent besetment is, 
pleading that I am too weak, and too unworthy to be 
accepted as a means, or vessel of any degree of useful- 
ness in His holy hand. I am canstrained to believe 
my sufterings of late have been as much for others as 
for myself, perhaps more ; and am I not as willing ? 
The pain of body and mind has been greater for months 
than I should have thought I could have lived to en- 
dure so long. More than six weeks ago I was taken 
with an acute pain in my head, or brain, which con- 
tinued extreme for four and a half weeks; except when 
cupped. This W9.s tried three times, and the last^ 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SKELY. 91 

with blisters, (fcc, proved effectual, but left me so low- 
that I have not yet fully recovered. 

I am so worn with pain and sorrow, that I am ready 
to think my life may yet be accepted instead of the endu- 
rance of those trials which have appeared as mountains 
heaped upon mountains in my future pathway. And 
if fully prepared what a relief it would be to me and 
others ; but Lord not my will but thine be done. 

Many of our little meetings have, of late, been seasons 
of deep plunging — oh, may I not screen myself from 
the various subjects that are permitted to try me. In 
our last sitting it was forcibly presented to my mind 
whether I would be willing to become a burden to my 
friends and the world. I cannot say that I did, or can 
feel entire submission to this idea ; yet if 1 remain long 
in my present situation, it will in all probability be 
the case, if it is not now. Oh, how can I be sustained 
under this keen trial ! From a child I have felt great 
reluctance, diffidence, and distress at troubling others 
for that to which I had no merit or claim, or right to 
ask for ; and this disposition has grown with years, 
and an increasing sense of my entire unworthiness. 
This, with an innate desire to be useful, instead of 
burdensome, is perhaps a breach of that submission 
with which I had hitherto hoped my heart was replete. 
I have no doubt but these trials are permitted to try 
my faith ; and praises be to indulgent Heaven this 
dwindling spark has never yet been extinguished ; but 
the Lord has, in his own time, arisen ^^ with healing in 
his wings ;" and I feel a confidence that it will be so 



92 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY, 

again, if I fail not on my part ; but oh, how great my 
danger on every hand ! When I view myself a use- 
less plant, encumbering the ground, I am astonished 
that I still enjoy so much of the rich bounties of Hea- 
ven — tender friends and neighbors, and one of the 
dearest of companions (D. S. R.) to whom it is given 
to soothe and share my bitter cups. 

30th. My constant petition is for discretion and 
support from above ; whether silent or conversant it 
leaves me not, and not for myself alone do I raise 
these petitions. I am not involved in gloom and dark- 
ness, neither in horror and fearful doubts respecting 
futurity; but a deep, immoveable exercise of mind 
that cannot be turned aside by cheerfulness, company, 
work, reading or sleeping. Occasionally it is suspen- 
ded as at present, for my temporary relief, and then my 
body revives ; but the moment I presume to hope for 
a permanent change, these feelings irresistibly gather 
around again. But I * wish to spend and be spent in 
the service of God ; and whether it be in a visible or 
invisible form it matters not. 

1st Mouth, nth, 1835. 

I am at present better and stronger than I have been 
in some months, for many days at a time ; and may 
mercies never be dispensed to me, without a heart to 
return thanks and praises to the Almighty Giver. His 
visitations are close and searching to my heart, and to 
the heart of my beloved D. S. R. yet often do we hold 
sweet communion together, and no hours are more de- 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 93 

lightful than those in which we are alone by ourselves, 
dwelling upon eternal concerns. She is often tried, yet 
feels a firm reliance that He who has called her, is able 
to carry her through any work He may please to 
appoint. Being engaged, as usual, last 1st day even- 
ing, on spiritual subjects, she told me that in our little 
meeting that day, she had been much troubled with 
wandering thoughts, and the want of that inward re- 
tirement she so much needed, and still had no power 
to raise a petition, or hardly to lift her eyes in hope. 
A little pause ensued, after which she said — " light 
has sprung up, and I am swallowed up in love and 
adoration." Then said I, my petitions are answered, 
for my mind has been engaged in earnest prayer for thy 
deliverance and support ; and that the dear Redeemer 
would be with us at this time, and afford that help he 
knows thou stands most in need of. We often feel it to 
be a mercy that we can intercede for each other ; and 
are bowed in humble gratitude and admiration that 
when one is stripped and weighed down, the other is 
clothed, borne on wings of faith, and enabled to hand 
at least a crumb to the other. 

3rd Month, 4tli. 

It is near morning, and I have slept but little, 
although my enfeebled system requires it, but I weep to 
give vent to an overflowing heart. Thanksgiving and 
praise to the King of Kings, and Lord of Lords, that 
another soul is saved, a heart redeemed from the follies, 
vices, and sins of the world, and replenished with 
grace and love divine, I thank thee, oh. Father ! that 



94 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

thou hast put forth thy hand and reaped the full grown 
tares of his heart, and that thou hast sowed and 
reared the seeds of life eternal there. Be pleased, in 
infinite mercy to make his path and mine plain before 
us, and permit us not to turn aside to the right hand or 
to the left." 

A few weeks after this, in one of her ill turns, she 
entirely lost her voice ; and while in that situation, 
addressed the following lines to her cousins who were 
with her. 

4th Month, 5th, ia35. 
MY DEAR COUSINS : 

" Will you not unite with me in earnest petitions for 
help to rightly and usefully improve the great, the 
incalculable blessings of the power of speech, which 
you have seen me suddenly deprived of, more com- 
pletely so than ever before in my life ; and for a time 
of all motion. Even v/hile in the full possession of my 
mental powers (which I soon lost) every effort to at- 
tract your attentive eyes failed ; and were I to judge 
only by my present feelings, I should think I could 
never again converse with you, or even utter a single 
sentence with ease ; but I have entire confidence in the 
mercy of Him, who ever has relieved, and who has 
already mitigated the extremity of my sufferings. 

When I attempted to reply to your kind and interest- 
ing questions, but found I could not, it was forcibly 
presented to my mind whether I had fully appreciated 
the great favor of having my voice strengthened, as it 
ha,s been of late^ to our admiration ; also whether I had 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 95 

not abused the blessing by idle or useless words. 
And I feel a great solicitude that I. and you also, 
may be guarded in this important point. 

4ch Month, 26th. 

With great debility, and a blistered, painful arm, I 
am again attempting to move my pen in commemora- 
tion of the adorable goodness, and condescension of the 
Most High. I have long felt, deeply felt his chasten- 
ing rod ; and again, and again has my heart been fill- 
ed with thankful aess for intervals of relief from ex- 
treme suffering; yet I ask not an entire release, but 
only, ^Lord prepare me for whatever is before me.' 
Three weeks ago I was suddenly reduced as low, ap- 
parently, as nature could survive, and several tirnes 
since in such distress, and so far spent that I felt as if 
between two worlds, and knew not which I should en- 
ter. But thanks and praises are due to the Eternal 
name for ever and ever, he prepared me for this. 
Though I had previously enjoyed much of his holy 
presence, my mental labor was often as great as my 
feeble frame could endure ; but when brought so low 
all was removed, and tranquility pervades my mind. 
At first I admitted a fear that I was gettinof into a state 
of stupidity and unwarrantable ease, which was soon 
removed, and this bed of pain has become as downy 
pillows, because Jesus is here. May I be enabled to 
fulfil every requiring, if any remains, and never ask 
mercy for myself alone, but for others also, — especially 
for a neighbor who is suffering the most agonising tor- 
tures of mental derangement, and apparently despair. 



96 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

Oh, how the word despair wounds my heart ! for I 
do believe that for a short season I felt the depths of 
its insupportable horrors. I have felt for him day and 
night more than I can express, and have been trying, 
for some days, to see if I could freely and acceptably 
offer my life a sacrifice for his life and reason. I am 
permitted to look beyond the grave with a hope, that 
he is not now capable of realising for himself His 
life seems more needed than mine in the world, there- 
fore is it not better that I should be taken in his stead ? 
that he may have, if enabled to do it, a little more time 
to make his peace with God. But, oh Father, I know 
not that I am ready, and let no dictating choice enter 
my heart. 

5th Month, 13th. 

For nearly three days I have been relieved and com- 
paratively easy ; how can I be thankful enough for the 
favor ! For several days, and especially in our little 
sitting on 1st day, my heart overflowed with gratitude 
to a gracious God who is just in judgment, and rich 
in mercy." 

During this interval of relief, C. S. felt an im- 
pression of duty to write a letter, which she endea- 
vored to put by, from the supposition that no opportu- 
nity would offer for sending it in nearly a month. In 
speaking of the conflict of mind occasioned by it, she 
says — "it caused my feeble frame to tremble very 
much, so that I Avas exhausted, and for a time lost to 
all sensibility ;" yet she was finally enabled to submit 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 97 

to the requisition, and in a few days became so much 
worse that she could not otherwise have written at all, 
until after the time for sending it was past. 

6th Month, 1st, 1835. 

On reviewing my date of 4th Month, last, I find 
much to add if I had strength. My poor fellow-suf- 
ferer and neighbor, found no relief until the final 
close. A few months since he passed and re-passed me 
in health and spirits, but sank into despondency, de- 
rangement and death, apparently through exercise of 
mind under the conviction of a mispent life, in neglect- 
ing his duty to his Maker. His case should be a warn- 
ing to others not to procrastinate attention to their eter- 
nal interest to an uncertain day. It shows, not only 
the uncertainty of life, but of our reason, without 
which we are incapable of repentance. But this case 
is not without hope, far otherwise ; after his mind was 
wrought upon by an invisible power, he gave up to its 
influence so far as to appear penitent and humble. 

HoAV incomprehensible the wisdom of my heavenly 
Father in his disposal of me ! A thorn is blended 
with every rose to prevent my heart from fastening 
there — a cord of love with every chastisement to draw 
me home to him ; yes, Home^ for I feel that I have 
none short of that eternal Rest where my Saviour 
dwells, " No chastening for the present seemeth to be 
joyous but grievous ; nevertheless afterward it yieldeth 
the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them that are 
exercised thereby." 

My erring heart admitted fears, during my low state 



98 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

that because I only felt peace and calmness, without 
that degree of the sensible presence of the Most High^ 
which I had previously been much favored with, I 
stood less approved, and might be left to shrink at last. 
But our little sitting on 1st day, was permitted to be 
one of the most favored meetings we had ever ex- 
perienced. It appeared almost as if the veil of mor- 
tality was drawn aside to admit a free communion 
between my soul and my God. I have seldom felt 
such full access to the mercy seat for myself, for my 
friends, and for the whole human family ; and that a 
blessing may rest upon this little meeting, (whic]\is 
owned by the Shepherd of Israel,) whether I am much 
longer one to unite in it or not." 

12th. After giving some description of a very ill 
turn in which the occasional loss of reason, faintness, 
oppresion for breath, &c., caused her to feel for several 
days as though she could not survive it — she adds : 
" My dear D. S. R. was sick and unable to sit up, but 
did not feel easy to leave my room, as she could see 
my motions, and tell my nurse when she did not un- 
derstand me. Oh, Father, help me to return thanks in 
proportion to thy matchless mercies to me and my 
dear sister-cousin ; enable us to be acceptably dedi- 
cated to thee ; and to appreciate the privilege of being 
thus retired together, but preserve us from holding 
each other too near and dear. Help, I entreat thee, 
each brother and sister to approach thy sacred Altar 
continually, and to be more and more given up to thy 
holy service. 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 99 

7th Month, 4th — six o'clock, A. M. 

To many this is a day of rejoicing for Independence, 
but to me it will be one of mourning and suffering, 
and to what degree I know not, as the firing of the guns 
has already affected me very much. Little do they know 
what I endure in consequence of their indulgence, for 
while they are falsely joyful for an independent feel- 
ing, I am in agony in consequence of my dependence. 

Not only my own spieces have it in their power to 
distress me with noise, but the animal creation and es- 
pecially the elements ; and when very ill even the 
birds and insects. Thunder augments my sufferings 
beyond description, and I am often faint for several 
days after it. 

It is probable that the leaders of these public amuse- 
ments know but little of my sufferings ; and I fear to 
offend, to interrupt, or to expose myself to the ridicule 
of unfeeling minds, who may be uncharitable, or can- 
not believe that noise gives me such exquisite pain. 
It far exceeds all common pain, and is an agonising 
distress, which cannot be described or conceived, ex- 
cept by those who have experienced it. 

May 1 never cease to ask mercy for all who either 
directly or indirectly, wilfully or ignorantly, are the 
means of adding to my pain and afflictions. 

The firing, which was suspended when the above 
was written, was not resumed, as we expected it would 
be, after breakfast ; for which my gratitude is due to my 
heavenly Father, and perhaps to some earthly friend. 



100 Memoir of Catharine seely. 

8th Month, 11th. 

As this morning's light approached, the fervency of 
devotion absorbed every faculty of the mind, and 1 
again endeavored to offer my heart a living sacrifice 
to the Lord. He does not require burnt offerings, nor 
peace offerings^ as formerly, but that of the whole heart. 
Those were emblematical ; for as they were required 
to be without spot or blemish^ so must be the heart, 
before it will be acceptable in the sight of God." 

After expressing her anxiety on account of D. S. R^s 
sickness and the fears she had indulged that she might 
not recover — she proceeds : — I was prostrated at the 
feet of Jesus, and begged the acceptance of a full dedi- 
cation of myself, instead of this keen trial ; and the 
fervency of my petition seemed to be accepted, as a 
full belief was given that she would be able to come to 
me again, which has since been the case. Oh, what 
matchless love and mercy, what boundless condescen- 
sion in Him who laid down his life for our redemption ! 
Indispensible indeed is the blood of the Lamb of God 
to wash us from all sin and impurity, and prepare us to 
enter that glorious abode where nothing unrighteous 
can be admitted. It truly needs a constant renewal of 
faith to believe that one so unworthy as myself can be 
admitted there; not that I have the least doubt but that 
the ransom Christ has wrought is all sufficient for me, 
and for every member of the human family, of every 
nation, tongue, and kindred, if we fail not on our part. 

A sense of my own deficiencies often deters me from 



MEMOIR OF CATHARIi\E SEELY. 101 

expressing my solicitude for my friends and physicians, 
when my heart overflows with love and earnest desires 
for their present and eternal welfare, and for the dedi- 
cation of their whole hearts to God. All the promises 
of happiness contained in the Holy Scriptures are con- 
ditional — that is, to the righteous — to the faithful. We 
are free agents, and through grace are enabled to under- 
stand and obey the dictates of heaven made known in 
every heart. The reproofs and condemnation we feel 
for known errors, are certain proofs that the intimations 
of right and wrong in our own hearts are not -to be 
neglected. The more it is heeded, the plainer the path 
of duty will become, and the cross more easy to bear. 

9th Month, 23rd. 

I have for many months been blessed with a peace- 
ful quietness and tranquility beyond description, yet 
feared it would not be a sufficient portion to sustain 
through the solemn final change. But when the trem- 
bling taper of my life has seemed almost extinguished, 
and I have attempted to ask a little more of the bread 
of life, the reply has been 'Peace, be still,' submission, 
perfect submission is required at thy hand. And as I 
shrank into submission, peace was my portion in the 
most secret, tranquil form ; evincing the truth of the 
scripture declaration, that the Ijord is not found in the 
strong wind, in the earthquake, or the fire, but in the 
still small voice. It is to the inward ear alone that he 
speaks ; it is in the secret of the heart that he is found 
and enjoyed ; where, if we shut not the door against 
9* 



102 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

him, he will come in and sup with us, and we with 
him. 

Last week my dear of New- York spent two days 

with us. Her whole visit was precious, but particu- 
larly those hours in which we were deeply engaged in 
the most interesting conversation on divine subjects, in 
which we sympathised with each other, and opened 
our hearts freely. We settled into silence, and close 
communion with the Father of Spirits. It was a heart- 
melting season, never to be forgotten, I presume, by 
either while in time. My eyes were as a fountain of 
tears. 

nth Month, 1st. 

I have been mercifully refreshed by the choice 
bounties of heaven ; my faith and confidence renewed, 
confirmed and strengthened in the love of my Lord 
and Saviour, by a visit from several of his devoted 
servants. I have been impressed with a belief that 
time to me is near a close. Under a humbling sense 
of my weakness and frailties, I have sometimes been 
left to fear that I should not become sufiiciently pure 
in heart to be truly acceptable ; a fear that I should in 
some way bring reproach upon the cause of truth, by 
shrinking with human weakness, or be a discourage- 
ment to others for want of firmness at the final close. 

The visit above alluded to from E. M , L. 

H , and some other friends, had a consoling influ- 
ence upon her mind ; and on their sitting down in si- 
lence by her bedside, the prayer of her heart was — 
*' Be pleased, dearest Saviour, to be with us at this 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 10 3 

time ; manifest thyself in any way or form thou plea 
sest, whether in words or silent communion it mat- 
ters not, if we may but know that we are remembered." 
She adds " I was immediately addressed by E. M. in 
the most beautiful language, and in a form that I ex- 
pected not, as no one knew my feelings. Wonderful 
indeed is the manifestation of divine knowledge in the 
hearts of the Lord's faithful followers, without any hu- 
man information. E. M. said — 'Dear Catharine thou 
hast been brought very near to me, &c. ifcc. Thy 
suflferings and thy trials have been very great, and I 
feel that thou hast many close and very deep inward 
provings, which are designed for thy purification ; and 
the Father will in his own time release thee from 
them all. What must have been the suiferings of our 
dear Redeemer while enduring the ignominious death 
of the cross, when he felt the weight of the sins of 
the whole world upon him, and the father hid his face 
until he cried out, 'My God, my God why hast thou 
forsaken me !' How great must have been his anguish 
to have felt forsaken at that trying moment ! And if 
the Son and sent of God was permitted thus to suffer 
while personally on earth, are we not willing to suffer 
with him for a season, that we may reign with him in 
his kingdom forever ? She spoke of the glory of those 
who sit at the right hand of God, and said my suffer- 
ings and trials of body and mind were to prepare me 
for that endless rest ; and the Lord in his own time 
would cut them short, and call me home to himself. 
That the prospect was so glorious that it seemed as 



104 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 



though the Angels were welcoming my approach, and 
I should soon join the ransomed in eternal praises be- 
fore the throne ; my patience and resignation were 
known above, and my deep conflicts known and felt 
for by the dear Redeemer. That she had no doubt 
but in seasons of trial, I had been left to say '• My God, 
my God, why hast thou forsaken me !' but he would 
return and lead me safely through 'the valley of the 
shadow of death ;' and his rod and his staff" would 
comfort me. It was particularly encouraging that his 
rod and his staff should be with me through the valley 
of the shadow of death, for the enemy more often 
assails me with fears of that period than of my future 
state. 

Three weeks ago D. S. R. in our little sitting, felt 
the trial of a separation brought very fresh before 
her, though she could not say that it was bounded by 
months or even years. The following are her own 
words. " A fresh prospect of my dear Catharine's re- 
lease, this day arrested my mind, while sitting in our 
devotional retirement. At first my heart sank in sad- 
ness at the idea of a separation, which appeared like 
sundering the very joints and marrow, but my droop- 
ing spirits were animated at the sight of the glory that 
awaited her. I no longer indulged a wish to retain 
her on earth, but could scarcely feel willing to be left 
behind. The magnificent glory of heaven, filled with 
solemn tranquility, and the fulness of enjoyment, was 
forcibly presented to my view. Her soul appeared to 
be clothed in its robe of divine purity, and her Savi- 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 105 

our's arms already extended to take her to his bosom, 
and conduct her from earth to his eternal habitation ; 
the very passage to that blessed abode seemed bril- 
liantly lighted with his love. This prospect has 
made the idea of resigning her much easier than it 
could otherwise have been : for I can truly say no 
pains or privations that I have endured for her have had 
the least tendency to dissolve the tender ties of affec- 
tion by which we have been so long united. I cannot 
wish to hold her from the Saviour, who is altogether 
worthy, nor to detain her amidst the pains and conflicts 
of this probationary state, but nothing short of this 
could cause me to willingly resign her.' D. S. R. 

12th Month, 6th, 1S35. 

When I look forward and see trials apparently insup- 
portable in life, it pleasantly occurs to me that I may 
soon be severed from them— hidden beneath the sod, 
where this mortal part can no more feel the afiiictions 
that now surround me, and threaten to increase if 

I live. The precious prospect that E. M , and 

D. S. R. were favored to see so clearly for me, has 
silenced every mournful sigh, and caused my soul to 
rejoice in the God of my salvation. It serves to keep 
my mind from being elated by a continuance of fa- 
vorable symptoms, which otherwise might have 
flattered me with the prospect of getting better, or of 
remaining more comfortable ; and while it prevents 
length of time from being expected, consoles with the 
prospect of future bliss. 



106 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

1st Month, 6th, 1836. 

Each day of our lives in which we are not drawing 
nearer to the Lord, we are in reality going from him, 
and shall find so much more labor to return, if ever we 
are favored with sufficient strength to do so. It is of 
his mercy alone that we are arrested, when straying 
from him, and brought back to the true Sheep-fold. 
So long as we keep near him, and our inward eye in- 
tent upon his guiding, the Shepherd of Israel will be 
our Shepherd, will tenderly lead, and protect us from 
every danger ; but as sure as we wander from his en- 
closures we are exposed to danger from the devourer. 

Oh, Father ! I thank thee for this renewed visitation, 
for every visitation of thy Holy Spirit. I am all weak- 
ness, but thou art all strength and might — I am but dust, 
thou art all power and majesty ; thou seest at the slight- 
est glance, the whole earth and heavens, and yet conde- 
scendest to notice the meanest insect, to scan the secret 
recesses of every heart. Leave me not, I entreat thee, to 
myself, but guide every movement, every feeling of my 
heart. Favor me, if it please thee, with a clear vision, 
what, where, and when thy requirings are to be perform- 
ed. Preserve me from taking one step unbiddeii,from de- 
laying a moment after thy command is given, and from 
weakening the impression of required duty by reason- 
ing with flesh, and blood. Enable me to feel the worth 
of every soul on earth to be equal to my own ; and may 
every sacrifice and suflfering of body and mind be as 
submissively borne for the good of others as for myself. 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 107 

Let not one petition be raised for myself alone, but be 
as fully answered to my dear D. S. R. We have thus 
far been as one in Christ in all things, and may no 
separation in body, spirit, or any interest or enjoyment, 
whatever, be required between us on this side the 
grave ; yet may we be preserved from too great attach- 
ment to each other, and enabled to give the strength 
of our affections to our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. 

2Dd Month, 20th. 

I am subject to such sudden and severe attacks that 
I can make no calculations how I shall be, or what I 
can do from one hour to another. It may appear to some 
as though one so long separated from society would 
feel no interest in it ; or that the inability to accomplish 
my little arrangements, or to see my friends, would not 
amount to a disappointment ; but this is not the case, 
for while I am favored with my reason I shall probably 
participate in disappointments and enjoyments. My 
earnest petitions have been that 1 might retain a degree 
of my natural feelings ; and that the relish of life might 
not be entirely taken from me while it is the pleasure 
of Omnipotence that I should continue in it ; for I have 
ever considered it a dreadful situation to be obliged to 
live, after life with all pertaining to it, has become a 
burden. I fully believe my afflictions are intended to 
wean me from the world ; and though I feel an interest 
in surrounding objects, I cannot, from the closest scru- 
tiny, find any attachment sufficient to induce a wish to 
live, further than to acquiesce in the will of Him who 
laid me here, and who alone can release me. 



108 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

When I speak of enjoyments, some may ask, how I can 
enjoy this seclusion, this prison, this painful couch? 
To such I reply — a prison indeed it is, but a prison 
of hope, not of this life, but of the life to come. I enjoy 
the seclusion because it screens me from many a rude 
blast of the enemy ; and affords much retirement for 
devotional engagements, and the sweet, the exalted com- 
munion of the soul with its Maker. But without divine 
aid, without the love of God, I could not have a particle 
of enjoyment under my sufferings and complicated trials. 
I sometimes compare myself to a bird in a cage, hung 
upon a tree, surrounded by the rich foliage, the beauties 
of nature, the workmanship of a Holy hand, but cannot 
reach them ; the blooming earth beneath, but cannot 
take one step upon it ; overshadowed by the beautiful 
canopy of heaven, but cannot take an uninterrupted 
view of it ; inhabiting a free country, but closely limi- 
ted and deprived of natural freedom. 

It is eleven and a half years since I have opened 
my eyes to the full light of day — borne my weight upon 
my feet, or had but partial views of the face of nature ; 
but my darkened, and otherwise gloomy apartment, is 
cheered and illuminated by the smiles of Jesus, the 
Sun of Righteousness, whose blessed countenance 
sheds a lustre upon every thing that surrounds me, 
and causes 2;ratitude and praise to fill my heart. 

I consider it a great mercy to be able occasionally 
to enjoy the society of my friends, but during my late 
low turns I have been as much affected by company as 
at any period of my sickness. Though fond of select 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 109 

society, particularly with my friends separately, my 
favorite amusements (when able to go there) were the 
loved retreats in the fields and woods, where I could 
contemplate uninterruptedly the wonders of an Al- 
mighty hand, teautifully visible, from the loftiest foliage 
to the smallest flower — from the powerful animal to 
the smallest bird that warbles forth its Maker's praise 
in every note it sings, and reproves me for less worthi- 
ly accomplishing the great design of Him who formed 
us in his own likeness, and gave us of his own spirit. 

No pleasure has been so often coveted through my 
confinement, as the indulgence of rambling among the 
rocky hills and valleys near the home of my childhood, 
where I have enjoyed such sweet solitude, and spent 
many hours in reading, writing, and meditation. 

25th. Much has been said in my case, and in every 
other protracted one with which I am acquainted, of 
the need of exercise, by those who know very little of 
severe and long continued disease. Under a continual 
series of efforts to burst our bonds and rise, though fol- 
lowed by as frequent relapses, how can it be believed that 
exercise, in every practicable form, has not been tried? 
And who can wonder that my friends watch my ex- 
ertions with anxious solicitude, or that I sometimes 
shudder at the recollection of those scenes of suffering 
I have so often brought upon myself by over-exertion, 
and shrink into a submissive endurance of the chasten- 
ing Hand ; not a careless, indolent indifference, and 
insensibility, for were all other virtues detached from 

my character, I presume that perseverance would be 
10 



110 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

fully awarded to me by all my acquaintance, both in 
health and sickness. I am grateful that I very rarely 
feel that dull inactivity of mind which makes trifles 
appear like mountains, and every effort of body or 
mind a task. Whenever pain subsides, I invariably 
feel an almost irrepressible desire to be in motion, or 
to have my mind engaged in some cares or employ- 
ment ; and it often requires more self-denial than I can 
command, to refrain from more exercise than I am able 
to bear without an increase of suffering. 

TO ELIZA FIELD. 

2nd Month, 9th, 1836. 

" I am still very sick, and as the faintness subsides 
pain increases, and noise becomes exceedingly distress- 
ing. By the help of anodynes I got some rest last 
night, and while under their influence, though full of 
pain, I will just say to thee that though our situations 
are beyond the reach of all human consolation, I 
want thee to remember, that ' as thy day is, so shall 
thy strength be ;' and that ' His grace is sufficient fox 
us.' Our dear Redeemer who has suffered for us, 
and for all mankind, more than we can comprehend, 
sees and feels all that we endure, and will not forsake 
us in these unfathomable depths. Oh, how precious 
is this belief when pain and anguish sink us to the 
very borders of the grave, Avhen every earthly prospect 
looks dark and dreary, and every hopeful remedy fails 
to relieve.' Methinks I see thee lying prostrate at the 
feet of Jesus, whose arms are open to receive thee." 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. Ill 

With tender solicitude for thy preservation and re- 
lief, 

I remain thy affectionate, 

a SEELY. 

These sentiments were reciprocal, as the following 
lines addressed to her by E. F. will shew. 

TO CATHARINE SEELY. 



" When bitter pain prostrates my soul, 
And days and nights most tedious roll, 
When grief o'er whelms, and deep despair 
Poisons the cup we're doomed to share, 
A tear is mingled in for thee — 
A tear of tender sympathy. 

When stripe on stripe to me is dealt, 
The wounds most equisitely felt. 
The thought oft shoots across my brain 
Thou bears the rod, and feels like pain ; 
And then again is shed for thee 
The tear of tender sympathy. 

When a kind parent's voice I hear 
And soothing accents reach mine ear ; 
When I remember how thou'rt 'reft, 
How tried thy lot — how lonely left, 
Oh, then, dear girl, my tears for thee, 
Are tears of tender sympathy ! 



112 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

When my abscinthiated cup — 

Thy gall and wormwood is drunk up; 

When pain shall end, and sorrow cease, 

And thou forever be at peace ; 

Then may Eliza share with thee, 

As thou her tears and sympathy." 

3d Month, 18th. 

" In reflecting on the past and present, I find my- 
self numbering unexpected hourS; as if days were add- 
ed beyond my appointed number. Though frequently, 
and even within a few days, I have been led down to 
the gates of death, not knowing but the next moment 
would open them for my reception, yet they seem 
closed against me, and I am still retained on earth. 
But time is not lent me for the ungrateful purpose of 
murmuring, and complaining of the length and degree 
of my sufferings, but to seek for that perfect resignation 
which would enable me to say — ' thy will be done.' 
When I name my afilictions, it is not to augment them 
in the view of others, but to excite admiration and 
gratitude for the mercies of Him who so marvelously 
sustains me under them ; and to win souls to Christ, 
who will make their bed in sickness, as he has made 
mine. I am constrained to say that my house has 
stood firm, while the winds blew, and the storms of 
adversity beat heavily upon it. 

4th Month, 30th. 

Three years ago this day I was brought from my 
former home — my father's house, to this. The remem- 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 113 

brance is solemnly interesting but not gloomy. I still 
believe it was for the best, as there has been no time 
since that period in which I have been as able to bear 
it, though I did but just survive the fatigue, and it is 
my own, and my friends' opinion that I have not fully 
recoverd from it. 

TthMoath, 29th. 

Nothing unrighteous, impure, or unregenerate can 
enter the kingdom of heaven. And even were it possi- 
ble for us to enter that holy habitation, unprepared, 
what would it avail us ? Surrounded by holiness, we 
could not be happy unless we were holy ourselves ; no, 
we should be wretched indeed, without the mantle of 
righteousness, in the presence of an infinitely holy 
Being. If I must pass through the furnace of refine- 
ment, of what consequence is it in what manner it is 
done or what the temperature is? Thou knowest. 
Almighty Father, that v/hile sustained by thy support- 
ing arm, it is immaterial to me whether by pain and 
sorrow,. trouble or sickness ; if thy will may be fulfiled, 
and my heart made acceptable it is all, it is more than 
I am worthy to ask ; but knowing thy matchless good- 
ness I believe it possible, and will still hope through 
the merits of the blessed Saviour. 

8th Month, 2nd. 

Oh, Father, thou seest my deficiencies and my ne- 
cessities ; they are invisible to man, and are greater 
than I can see until thou givest me to understand them. 
Pardon, I entreat thee, my unnumbered faults, and 
10* 



114 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

preserve me from future transgressions ; grant that 
which I need, and withhold that which I need not, 
even though I ask for it ; be pleased to guide me in the 
way most pleasing to thee, let it be ever so much in 
the cross to my own will, and with thy grace and 
strength I will walk therein. I acknowledge I have 
disobeyed, and vainly tried to offer my own reasons, for 
which I ask thy forgiveness, and again thank thee that 
thou didst fill my heart with sorrow and repentance. 
I did not think I was fit for any service, but thou, Lord, 
art able to make the meanest of clay of some use, there- 
fore enable me even to feel the pliability of clay, and 
rejoice to be made any thing in thy sacred Hand, for in 
thee is all power, wisdom, glory and honor, now and 
forever. 

3rd. A constant series of suffering and changes is 
my lot. I have been mostly very low for more than 
two months past until within the last week, sometimes 
apparently but the breath of life left, and I upon the 
brink of the grave. My heart is ready to revolt at a 
continuation of such indescribable sufferings. 

4th. - Although I cannot hold my head a moment 
from the pillow, with great fatigue, I can use my pen- 
cil a little, and fearing my last conveys an idea that I 
think myself too heavy laden, I cannot feel acquitted 
without saying I believe it all right and necessary for 
me, and probably for some others also. And if this 
dispensation may prove beneficial to my own soul, or 
the souls of others, it is more than a compensation. 

A long sickness is, perhaps, more calculated than 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 115 

any other circumstance to prove our faith by a weary- 
ing suspense. When lying day after day, and month 
after month, in constant expectation of the icy hand of 
death, as I many times have done, not only our faith, but 
our resignation and patience are proved; and if inclined 
to peevishness, this is a nursery for it, when the mind 
is weak, and every nerve unstrung ; and the ingrafted 
word of regenerating grace can alone cause these lin- 
gering days and sleepless nights to pass in quiet se- 
renity." 

To E. F. 

9th Month, 5th, 1836. 

ENDEARED FRIEND:— 

"While all but myself are sunk in sweet repose, to 
no one can I willingly devote this early hour, but to 
thee, my dear afflicted Eliza, who still remains to be 
my almost constant waking, and frequently sleeping 
companion. 

It is not, I assure thee, for want of inclination that 
my pen is not often employed in addressing thee, nor 
•for the want of the pure streams of sisterly affection ; 
it is not for the want of a heart overflowing with sym- 
pathy ; nor yet for the want of that soul-cementing 
love with which Jesus binds the hearts of his suffer- 
ing children to each other ; but a fear of the fatigue it 
may cause thee, not only by hearing it read, but by 
inducing an effort to reply when unable to do it with- 
out an increase of suffering, which I would not wil- 
lingly be the means of doing ; and because my own 



116 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

experience teaches me that my feeble language is total- 
ly incapable of assuaging the grief of a heart so pain- 
ed as thine. Yet I know (and this induces me to 
write) that the faint expressions of sympathy, especi- 
ally from a fellow-sufferer, are congenial to our feel- 
ings ; and that this sympathy is reciprocal in its 
strongest form. I often think our situations would be 
intolerable without the tenderness of our numerous 
friends, which is next to the healing balm of divine 
consolation. 

^^ See some strange comfort every state attend," 

was addressed to me, by one in robust health, who no 
doubt thought it must be strange in such seclusion and 
pain though he seemed sensible that the purest enjoy- 
ment was this — "The soul's calm sunshine, and the 
heartfelt joy." 

And what can be greater, even though forbidden the 
common indulgencies of life — fortitude's last effort tes- 
ted, and the power of resignation proved to say, ' Thy 
will be done V 

Often when looking toward thee, with aching heart, 
at the thought of thy afflictions, my mind is consoled 
by the pleasantness that appears spread over thee like 
the beautiful canopy of heaven. I believe sometimes 
when mild resignation smooths the tortured brow, it is 
mistaken for a dull indifference to health, and to the 
active scenes of life ; but it is mysterious to me how it 
can be by those who have been taught in the school of 
Christ, or who are in posession of reasoning powers ; 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 117 

either of which I should think would enable any one 
to know that to submit to long and severe sickness, en- 
tire helplessness, and extreme debility, is one of the 
hardest lessons mortals ever learned.. May our united 
prayers be raised for such, as they are liable as our- 
selves to be long- laid upon a bed of languishing, with- 
out this consoling reflection that they have been cha- 
ritably disposed towards the sick. 

I am pleased to learn that thou hast taken a deep 
interest in Cynthia Taggart ; our sufferings are all 
different, yet similar, and we are in the hand of a mer- 
ciful Care-taker. 

Thy apprehensions that writing adds to her bodily 
distress as well as mine, is doubtlessly correct, yet I 
can bear that exertion better than any other, and can 
no more be still than thou canst, when it is possible to 
use my hands. I began this letter more than a week 
agoy and have attempted perhaps twenty times to write, 
but repeated faintness has as many times soon com- 
pelled me to desist. 

In the bonds of love, until the welcome messenger 
arrives : 

I bid thee farewell, 

C. SEELY. 

12th Month, 14th, 1836. 

Pain would I note the solemn impressions of my 
mind, produced by gratitude to the Lord of the 
harvest, for his adorable goodness manifested in and 
by a numerous circle of his dear children ; but the 



118 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

faint expressions of my pen cannot do justice to the 
feelings of my heart towards those kind and bene- 
voleat friends, whose tender regard and sympathetic 
care have added to my enjoyment and indulgencies, 
and helped to prolong my wasting means of support. 
May those who sow temporal blessings reap spiritual 
ones an hundred fold ! Nor for those only who favor 
me do I crave blessings, but for all both righteous and 
unrighteous. 

Oh, adorable Father, help the infirmities of my na- 
ture ! " The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." 
My feeble efforts to serve Him whom my soul loveth 
above every other object, have of late been strengthen- 
ed, and my soul drawn more constantly to Him in pray- 
er, and the life of prayer. It is one thing to attempt to 
pray, and another thing to have life and fervency 
given to our petitions which alone can bring us to 
the Mercy Seat, and fit us to receive the blessings we 
crave. But when coldness of heart, and barrenness of 
desire are ours, it is essential that we wait quietly but 
attentively, patiently but solicitously, at the threshold 
for the return of the Searcher of hearts, and the Re- 
plenisher of holy desires. K he finds us knocking he 
has promised to open to us, and if asking for the bread 
of life, to furnish us with it, but if we go astray, or 
neglect to ask, what right have we to hope to be ad- 
mitted or fed ? 

22nd. At present I am better than usual, and for 
two months past my severe ill turns have been less fre- 
quent than for two years previous. A partial relief, 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 119 

and mitigation of violent pain is to me a greater luxury 
than every other earthly indulgence, but no part of my 
disease is removed, and health is at as great a distance 
from me as when at the lowest ebb of life. Yes, the 
sweet enjoyment of health is to me forbidden fruit, no 
more to be tasted on earth, but if I mistake not, insured 
with heavenly richness in the world to come. If so, 
what have I to lament but the void between the 
present and the future, where disease shall not destroy, 
pains annoy, nor langor waste the time without enjoy- 
ment, or consciousness of its lapse. Were it not my 
duty and pleasure to endure in quiet submission the 
will of heaven, without choice when, or how it shall 
terminate, 1 should often indulge impatience for a re- 
lease, and to be at rest. 

29th. ^^ Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his 
righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto 
you." How much more abundantly has the promise 
been fulfilled to me, than His mandates have been 
obeyed ! 

A visit from our truly valued friends has 

added, I believe, to our spiritual as well as temporal 
enjoyments, if not it will add to our condemnation ; as 
all neglected favors have this tendency. Were not 
these generous friends under divine influence, I should 
think they were very ingenious to devise so many use- 
ful things for me, and yet none but that I needed. E. 
H. was highly favored in our sitting to see and convey 
the errand of the Lord. I asked to be prepared to re- 
ceive both reproof and instruction, and may he never 



120 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

shrink from either when bidden. He came here, as 
Saul approached Samuel, apparently quite unconscious 
as to what was his main business. While infinite wis- 
dom is working by means, and through instruments, 
he does not always foretel his great designs, but often 
leads his devoted servants blinefold in, to them, untrod- 
den paths ; but when their eyes are again opened, how 
do they glorify his sacred name, and pursue with alac- 
rity the path marked out before them ! 

We have since been edified by a minister of another 
society, who, I believe, lies low at Jesus' feet, and to 
be one of the Lord's annointed. May the frequent 
interviews I have with people of various denomina- 
tions tend to unite our hearts together, and to Him 
whom we all profess to serve. How, otherwise, can 
we meet in that harmonious band in the presence of 
the Lamb, where no division of heart, affections or 
sentiments are known or felt, but perfect, unchanging 
love, and united praises forever flow. 

1st Month, 26th, 1837. 

Some of my relations have lately offered to procure 
a bed-chair for me, which can be raised in the form of 
a chair or laid down as a bed. As this was considered 
the best invention I could try for sitting up, I had a 
hard struggle to resign the flattering prospect, until by 
prayer and mature consideration a strong conviction 
came over my mind that it was not best to accept the 
ofier, as I should be increasingly unable to sit up, and 
a full proof of the truth of this conviction soon follow- 



MEMOIR OF CAtHARtNE SfeEtV. 121 

^d. During my severe and protracted confinement 
the privilege of sitting up has been anxiously sought 
and coveted, and every convenient plan within my 
reach adopted until its useless and injurious effects 
have been long and painfully felt ; yet can I bear the 
stigma of indolence, or of indulging in an unnecessary 
habit of lying in bed, for want of inclination, courage, 
or perseverance to arise ? My rebellious inclination 
prompts me to say that I had rather die with over ex- 
ertion, were it not for the judgment that would follow 
such rashness, than bear this stigma. Yet have I not 
tried continually during the whole of my sickness, a 
period of more than twelve long years, all the exercise, 
and in every form that my strength would admit, al- 
most daily exceeding the bounds of prudence ? The 
slightest favorable change in my symptoms has inva- 
riably been improved for increased exercise, and as in- 
variably have the efforts increased debility, pain, and 
disease. A conviction of error has repeatedly induced 
the resolution to refrain, and patiently submit to the 
will of the most High until he pleases to lighten the 
hand of sickness, and raise me either in time or in eter- 
nity; and when thus submissively acquiescing, and 
only then, I have experienced seasons of relief, and 
been comparatively comfortable, though never entirely 
so for a whole day. 

It is the common opinion of the inexperienced, that 
an increase of strength is always produced by continu- 
ed exertion ; but Doctor P's maxim is, that we cannot 
use exercise without some strength to begin with : and 
11 



122 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

that when the system is reduced by disease, it cannot 
be restored to health and strength while disease is act- 
ing upon it, and over exertion not only increases de- 
bility, but aggravates the disease. 

' Oh, that my grief were thoroughly weighed, and 
my calamity laid in the balance together ! For now 
it would be heavier than the sands of the sea ; therefore 
are my words swallowed up.' 

' Although affliction cometh not forth from the dust, 
neither doth trouble spring out of the ground ; yet 
man is born unto trouble, as the sparks fly upward.' 

' I would seek unto God, and unto God would I 
commit my cause : which doeth great things and un- 
searchable ; marvellous things without number :' 

^ Despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty.' 
— Job^ 5th and 6th chap. 

5th Month, 13th. 

How often is my pen employed in recording scenes 
of unutterable sufferings, mingled with the richest mer- 
cies of Jehovah ; and yet I may truly say the one half, 
the hundredth part of either are not written or told." 

After describing a most violent attack, by which she 
was apparently brought to the very brink of the grave 
— she continues : 

Ohj Father, help me to thank and praise thee contin- 
ually, and permit me not to depart from thy sacred altar 
by day nor by night ! Unceasing prayer is the aspira- 
tion of the soul to its Maker, both in the closet and in 
public, and may continue even while the necessary care 



MEBIOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 123 

of our bodies and earthly abode require our su- 
perficial attention. Acceptable devotion will not ex- 
clude temporal duties, but if rightly attended to they 
promote each other, and the heart may be sweetly 
swallowed up in love and adoration to the Ruler and 
Preserver of the universe. Oh, for more grace, more 
complete acquiescence in the influences of the Holy 
Spirit, and more self-denial to our own desires and pro- 
pensities ! 

6th Month, 2nd, 1837. 

My birth day. I have been reviewing the past, 
and by counting the years of my life find they num- 
ber thirty eight, and yet I feel myself a child. As 1 
awoke this morning with reflections upon my birth-day, 
these questions involuntarily arose ; and my answers 
must not be to superficial, conniving mortals, but to 
the Judge and Searcher of hearts. 

Have my advances in the path of Zion kept pace 
with my advances in the path of life ? This can on- 
ly be answered with blushing and confusion of face. 
I regret that a single day, lent me for a sacred use, 
should have been wasted or unimproved, and yet I 
fear there are many such blots on the page of my life's 
history, even since the period when regenerating grace 
(as I hoped) commenced its influence upon my be- 
nighted heart. When we recollect that the Lord re- 
quires the sacrifice of the whole heart, and the devotion 
of a whole life, how can we claim his sacred promises if 
we offer a divided heart, and only a part of our time, 
spending the rest in our own, or rather Satan's service. 



124 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

It is not notorious crimes alone that are offensive 
in the divine sight — if it were, I should be blameless, for 
I was never guilty of such ; but for the divided 
heart enquiry will be made, and for the secreted spoil. 
" What meaneth this bleating of the sheep, and the 
lowing of the oxen which I hear ?" 

Are my feet established in His glorious path^ or in 
the ways of sin and darkness ? It is certain that we 
must be decidedly in one path or the other. ^ We can- 
not serve God and Mammon ;^ and are assuredly la- 
boring for or against Christ, our Saviour. I am un- 
willing to say I am serving the latter, and should I say I 
am serving the former I may deceive myself and others. 
If I am permitted to be numbered with the servants of 
the most High, I know there is room to serve him 
more and better than I do. 

Does the love of God abound in my heart, or the love 
of the world, and its transitory treasures and indul- 
gences ? 

I humbly trust my redeemer's love reigns in my 
heart — the love of the world I know does not, for I am 
nearly if not completely weaned from it ; it merely has 
a passing influence, as a casual convenience to a way^ 
faring traveller, but has no allurements to detain me 
in it.. 

7th Month, 15th. 

How mysterious are the works of Him who created 
the earth, and all its inhabitants ! Without his power 
we cannot live, and without it we cannot cease to live, 
though life be a burden to ourselves and others. After 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY, 125 

long and unusual anxiety, the painful intelligence has 
been permitted to reach mCj that the sufferings of my 
dear friends, E. Field and C. Taggart, have increased 
of late. When will thy chastisements, adorable Father, 
cease ? Will thy judgments be staid before the slen- 
der elastic thread of life is severed ? What have I to 
hope, or wherefore desire relief, if these chastened sis- 
ters still receive stripe on stripe ; one of whom has en- 
dured them even longer than myself Dearest Saviour, 
leave them not, but, if consistent with thy holy will, 
have mercy and compassion upon us all, and sustain 
each in proportion to our necessities. Leave us not 
to our own strength or choice, I beseech thee, but grant 
that our Avills may be sweetly swallowed up in thine ; 
prepare us for whatever is before us, and finally receive 
us, oh, holy Father, into thy everlasting enclosures, 
through the mediation of our Lord and Saviour. Jesus 
Christ. 

8th Month, 13th. 

Oh, for more fervency, love, and devotion ; for more 
of the true spirit of Christ, my Redeemer, to preserve 
me from the concealed snares of the enemy, designed 
for the ruin of my soul. Open temptations awaken us 
at once to a sense of danger, but into the hidden small 
ones we gradually and unguardedly sink by impercep- 
tible degrees. 

16th. Yesterday was passed without much reflec- 
tion or pious conversation, which seemed to tarnish my 
evening's oblation. The day was completely taken up 

with calls from strangers and others, twenty in all, 
11* 



126 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

nineteen of whom I saw through much fatigue, and am 
still suffering in consequence of it ; but I do not regret 
the exertion, being willing to be made a spectacle for 
the good of others. May solemn and lasting impres- 
sions be imprinted upon the minds of the spectators of 
silent suffering. 

I am not as weak as I have been most of the summer, 
and with considerable exertion can turn myself in bed. 
My mind is calm, but 1 almost fear to rest, lest stupor 
overtake me — that dismal lethargy of soul which ren- 
ders us unclean in the sight of the Holy One. 



11 th Month, 19th. 



THE ROCK OF AGES. 



^ Rock of Ages ! cleft for me, 

Let me hide myself in thee. 

Let the water and the blood, 

From thy side a healing flood, 

Be of sin the double cure, 

Save from wrath, and make me pure. 

Should my tears forever flow. 
Should my zeal no languor know, 
This for sin could not atone. 
Thou must save, and thou alone ; 
In my hand no price I bring, 
Simply to thy cross I cling. 



Memoir of Catharine seely. 127 

While I draw this fleeting breath, 
When mine eyelids close in death, 
When I rise to world's unknown 
And behold thee on thy throne, 
Rock of Ages ! cleft for me, 
Let me hide myself in thee !' 

Yes, ^ cleft for me,' I find no other hiding place from 
the commotions of the Avorld — no other rest from the 
burdening cares of life — no security but in Christ, 
When I look for temporal favors to lessen, his boun- 
teous hand augments the supply, as if to shew that all 
is from him. ' In my hand no price I bring,' but will 
he not take faith unfeigned instead ? Oh, rich Sustain- 
er, can I distrust him more, or shall I presume to choose 
in what way this frail body shall be supported, or to 
whom burdensome, if ii is in the ordering of his wisdom 
who cannot err in his disposal of me. Spiritual sup- 
plies are sometimes permitted to pass through human 
agents, and equally so is every temporal favor. May 
I be endued v^ith wisdom, judgment, and discretion 
in the reception and consumption of that which is pro- 
vided for me ! 

May Z ion's precious borders be enlarged — the waver- 
ing mind strengthened — the broken heart bound up — 
the sick made whole — and the gospel of Jesus Christ 
promulgated to the ends of the earth. May all the 
kingdoms of the earth, oh, Lord, be gathered into thy 
glorious garner, through the redeeming love of Christ, 
the Rock of Ages, in w^hom I would hide myself, my 



128 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

all, for ever and ever. ^ Thou must save and thou 
alone,' or I perish. 

I know not why it is so, but the various preparations 
for my continuance here, necessary as I know them to 
be at the approach of winter, have a solemnising influ- 
ence on my mind. I hope it does not arise from an 
unwillingness to live as long as it may be my heavenly 
Father's will, but a probationary state of mind in 
which all calculations and plans for length of days 
seem to be forbidden. Under these considerations I 
am thankful that amidst unavoidable cares and arrange- 
ments, I do daily shrink as it were into the 'clefts of 
the Rock of Ages ;' and give a disinterested glance 
at these otherwise pleasing conveniencies around me. 
Much has been done every winter to make me comfort- 
able, but I think I have never been as conveniently ac- 
commodated as now. With kind and paternal care 
some dear friends have brought me money to procure 
my winter's wood, &c., which imposes an additional 
weight of gratitude ; but He who has promised to bear 
our burdens for us, has truly borne mine. He has 
mercifully prepared my mind for this trial of depen- 
dence, so far that I can say my day's work was done 
before the night came, and I have nothing to say or do, 
but to lay myself at the feet of Jesus. " 

During the night of the 20th of 12th Month, while C. 
S. was very ill, D. S. Roberts was taken with an un- 
usually severe attack of quinsey, and continued for a 
week in a very critical situation. Being unable to 
speak so as to be understood, she occasionally commu- 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 129 

nicated her thoughts to Catharine in writing, to allay 
her anxiety respecting the state of her mind. Their 
beds were in the same room, and it was now Cath- 
arine's turn to watch over her, to cheer her depressed 
spirits, and to soothe her mind by such scriptural prom- 
ises as seemed applicable. The following extract is 
from one of D. S. R's communications. 

" I have had a hard struggle to submit, but I believe 
the contest is nearly over, as 1 am enabled to feel 
resigned." 

What an inestimable mercy that our compassionate 
Saviour will sustain under the most aggravated afflic- 
tions, all who put their trust in Him. I believe it is 
generally the case that the greater the affliction the 
more abundantly he dispenses his soul- sustaining pre- 
sence. My requests have been answered to the utmost, 
and I can now adopt these lines — 

^ My life, if thou preservest my life, 

Thy sacrifice shall be ; 
And death, if death must be my doom, 

Shall join my soul to thee.' 

"My faith is steadfastly anchored on the mercies 
and merits of a crucified Lord. How I pity those who 
have no hope in a Saviour." Catharine adds — " To 
know that her mind was peaceful when she could not 
converse with me, was indeed a mercy, and another 
that my strength and free respiration was restored so 
that I could speak for her who had so often been under 
the necessity of speaking for me. 



130 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

12th Month, 30th. . 

Enable me, Holy Father, to review with humble 
gratitude and adoration, thy unmerited mercies during 
the past year ; and, if life be prolonged, to spend the 
approaching one to thy glory and praise, and to the 
benefit of thy suffering seed. May sympathy, love, 
and charity abound in my heart toward all the human 
family ; unite divided hearts ; bind Christendom at 
large in the bonds of heavenly love, and permit the 
sectarian line no longer to divide us. 

Oh, Lord of heaven and earth, be with all, I entreat 
thee, in the hour of affliction, and guide the steps of 
thy dependent children the world over. Permit the 
gospel to extend as far as breath and mortality extend ; 
and grant, I humbly implore thee, that all who are lan- 
guishing on beds of pain and disease may enjoy the 
light of thy soul- sustaining presence, and share the 
tenderness and sympathy of those who are more favor- 
ed with health and strength ; and help these to appre- 
ciate their privileges, for they know not their value. 

1st Month, 10th, 1338. 

Most holy Father, enable us to offer thanks and 
praises to thy everlasting name for the many mercies 
mingled with our afflictions, of which we are unworthy. 
Thou hast prostrated, and hast raised as on eagle's 
wings the borne down spirit. Although, thou win* 
no west us as grain, give us weight and firmness to 
withstand the most severe tempests. Permit us not to 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 131 

wander from thee, but to lay at thy feet until thy holy 
will is completed in us." 

Her Aunt Deborah Roberts departed this life on the 
11th of 4th Monfh, 1838, in the 78th year of her age. 
She had long been in a feeble, delicate state of health, 
and about the last of 3rd Month, was suddenly at- 
tacked with inflammation of the lungs, which soon re- 
duced her to a helpless situation. Her utterance be- 
came very difficult, yet at intervals she remarked that 
she believed her work was nearly finished, and she 
enjoyed sweet peace ; soon after adding — "Oh, how. 
many sweet hours have 1 passed in my Saviour's com- 
pany ; my communion with him has surpassed every 
other enjoyment ; I cannot dascribe it — none can know 
but those who have experienced it." And again — 
^' Death has no terrors, and future prospects are pleasant. 
It is a great comfort to me to feel the Lord's support." 

Although living but a few rods distant, she and 
Catharine had not seen each other for the last three 
years, yet the latter keenly felt the bereavement, and 
writes as follows, respecting it. 

" Her solicitude for her husband and children was 
great, and to the guardian care of the Almighty she 
committed and commended them. It is an irreparable 
loss to them, and I feel that it is to me also. Let us 
seek grace and strength to imitate every virtue of her 
whom we cannot recal, that we may approach her 
glorious residence as we draw near the end of time. 



132 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

4th Month, 28th. 

I beseech thee, oh Lord, for grace and strength to 
obey every intimation of duty, and for a full and per- 
fect preparation for the great and final change. In 
mercy supply to my dear sister-cousin, D. S. R. every 
void that death may make ; enable her to lean on thee 
alone, and may thy encircling arm hold her from des- 
ponding grief Time to me looks precarious ; the tide 
of life runs low — extremely low of late. May I ere 
long be safely landed Avith my dear Aunt, my beloved 
parents and brothers, where parting shall no more be 
required. 

5th Month, 26th. 

A season of much company and many calls, which 
occupies our time, and I fear attracts too much of our 
attention, but if so the fault is ours, for the heart may 
be, ought to be, and at times is, secretly adoring, while 
outwardly engaged in social intercourse with those we 
love. None have visited us but beloved friends, and 
I have been favored with strength to see most of them, 
though the interviews have been both painful and 
limited. 

As ^ Alps on Alps arise,' so do earthly sorrows when 
we indulge ourselves in looking upon the dark side of 
things. 

When reflecting on my helpless and dependent situ- 
ation, of late, particularly during many sleepless hours 
of the night, my own sorrows have risen to the skies, 
and I know not which way to look for any prospect 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 133 

of a diminution of trials in life. Indeed I know that I 
have no refuge but in my Lord and Saviour. 

Some unfeeling minds censure my dear cousin, who 
is as a mother and sister to me, for her kindness in liv- 
ing with me, and endeavoring to make my situation as 
comfortable as possible ; but the eyes which are blind 
to the sorrows of the afflicted, cannot see when they 
inflict fresh wounds. My sickness and sufferings are 
a greater trial than 1 can describe, but my dependence 
on others still greater, and I need constant supplies of 
grace and resignation to be submissive under it. 

" Dear refuge of my weary soul 
i On thee when sorrows rise, 

On thee when waves of trouble roll, 
My fainting hope relies. 

To thee I tell each rising grief, 

For thou alone canst heal ; 
Thy word can bring a sweet relief 

For every pain I feel. 

But oh, when gloomy doubts prevail 

I fear to call thee mine, 
The springs of comfort seem to fail 

And all my hopes decline. 

Yet, gracious God, when shall I flee ? 

Thou art my only trust, 

And still my soul would cleave to thee, 

Though prostrate in the dust." 
12 



134 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

6th Month, 2nd, IF.38. 

The anniversary of my birth has again arrived, and 
can I raise an anthem to the Lord, worthy of accept- 
ance, at this date ? All is from him, and without his 
aid I can do nothing. Help me, adorable Father, to 
praise and thank thee for thy boundless mercies du- 
ring the past year ; and grant, I humbly ask, a continu- 
ance of them the remainder of my life ; and sanctify 
the afflictive scenes which have transpired within the 
year, and turn all to thy glory and honor for ever- 
more. 

14th. Were I able, and capable, what a pleasing em- 
ployment it would be to enumerate the blessings and 
mercies I unworthily enjoy in my seclusion from as- 
semblies for public worship. In humiliation of soul 
I have cried — ' what shall I render to the Lord for all 
his benefits?' We have received very interesting ac- 
counts of the late Yearly Meeting. Some fruit will be 
required from those who have had the privilege of 
mingling with their friends, and of hearing the sound 
of the gospel ; nor are the absent excluded from divine 
favor, nor from accountability ; the church being a 
body of which each member may be a partaker. I 
never felt it more so than at that time. At the hour for 
public worship, which we feel a duty incumbent upon 
us in our retired room to devote to silent worship, we 
settled into solemn silence, when adoration clothed my 
mind, and my soul was poured out to Him v/ho melt- 
eth the heart with His love, as wax is melted before the 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 135 

fire. I asked that we might be permitted to gather up 
the crumbs that had fallen, and wonderfully was my 
petition answered, not only for myself, but for my dear 
D. S. R. who was also closely confined by ill health du- 
ring the Yearly Meeting. Our privation of attending 
this annual assembly was fully made up, for what 
could we have felt or enjoyed more than the Father, 
Son, and Holy Ghost, which was our portion here 
upon our beds, far from the bustle and the throng. 

On hearing of the unusual number of ministers in 
attendance, both belonging to this and distant Yearly 
Meetings, I at first felt a secret desire that the Lord 
would send some of his faithful servants to our remote 
dwelling, but I was soon enabled to divest myself of 
all selfish desires ; for such a visit, performed in the 
cross, must unavoidably occasion labor of body and 
mind, and my feelings revolted from willingly involv- 
ing any in either physical or mental sufferings. I 
settled into the humble and grateful acknowledgment, 
enough Lord, enough, since t?iou art here. 

After I had resigned all expectation of a visit, two 
' women friends (S. S. and J. K.) came. The former 
spoke in feeling and pathetic terms, after which the 
latter knelt, and in humble prostration implored a con- 
tinuance of the Lord's mercies to my soul. 

I often regret that such visits give me so much fa- 
tigue that I cannot remember, or while I remember, 
record what is said, which is often worthy of long 
preservation. I recollect that S. S. appeared to have a 
clear sense of the many favors I enjoy, and of my se- 






136 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEElY. 

cret communion with the Father of Spirits— expressed 
the satisfaction she experienced in sitting by this bed 
of affliction, and said " it is good for me to be here." 
After contrasting my situation with that of the wicked, 
in healthj she added ^'it is the end that crowns all ;" 
and if I abode in this patient submission and humility, 
I should finally witness a redemption from all pain 
and sorrow, and join the angelic host in singing eter- 
nal anthems of praise for ever and ever. 

After some interesting conversation with each of 
them, I was told that two other friends (D. K. and his 
wife) had arrived. I was humbled in the dust, and 
could only offer the repetition of simple thanks. In 
his communication D. K. said emphatically — * Thou 
wilt be preserved even to the end]^ which was received 
with humble gratitude to Him who knows what we 
most need. 

Even while favored with present supplies, my faith 
has occasionally wavered with a fear that my confi- 
dence and grace might fail at last — at the great day of 
trial, the end. 

The above date is the last one of the diary of 
Catharine Seely, in the possession of the compiler, but 
from a letter or two, written after this period, it ap- 
pears that her debility was so much increased by the 
extremely warm weather which ensued, that the great- 
er part of the time before her last severe attack of illness 
she was disqualified for the exertion of using her pen. 

In the 9th Month following, her aged uncle, Amos 
Roberts, in whose house she was a tenant, suddenly 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 137 

expired. This circumstance awakened the anxiety of 
her friends with regard to her future place of residence, 
but she meekly avoided making any arrangments for 
the future, until, as she said, she could see her way 
clear to do so. 

About a weak after the decease of her Father, Debo- 
rah S. Roberts was taken alarmingly ill with typhus 
fever, and in a few days was removed to her own 
home. When the necessary preparations for her remo- 
val were finished, she requested to be laid on the bed 
with Catharine, and that all present should leave the 
room, while they took, as they believed, and as the 
event proved, a final leave of each other, until re-uni- 
ted in their Heavenly Father's kingdom of rest and 
peace. Having passed through many conflicts, much 
physical suffering, and enjoyed many seasons of spirit- 
ual communion together, solemn and aff"ecting indeed 
was the parting scene. 

Catharine Seely was also very ill at the time, and a 
few days after a high fever (supposed to be the same 
disease) set in, and soon reduced her so low that very 
little hope was entertained of her recovery. She lin- 
gered for four weeks, during which her mental facul- 
ties were often much impaired by the severity of her 
disease ; and at lucid intervals her extreme debility and 
sufferings prevented her from communicating her sen- 
timents freely to those in attendance, yet she was 
admirably preserved in patience and resignation, and 
occasionally said— ^' I see nothing in my way ; death 

has no terrors : my way is all clear." No additional 

12* 



138 MEMOIR 01* CATHARINE SEElf. 

evidence is required by those who knew her to confirm 
the belief that her emancipated spirit is now in the 
full enjoyment of the rest prepared for the righteous. 

She quietly and peacefully expired on the 27th of 
10th Month, 1838, aged 39 years. 

At the time of Catharine Seely's decease, some of 
the most alarming symptoms in Deborah S. Roberts' 
case assumed a more favorable aspect, which induced 
herself and friends to believe that there was a possi- 
bility at least, of her recovery. When informed of the 
death of C. S. she wept, but said, ^^ it is not because I 
regret that she is at rest, but to think of the loss I shall 
sustain if I should recover ; I have no desire, however, to 
be raised up again, but that the Lord's will maybe done." 

Having devoted her time and strength, and sacrificed 
many social enjoyments for the sake of alleviating the 
afflictions of her suffering relative, they were bound to 
each other not only by the ties of consanguinity, bnt 
by those of the most tender sympathy and christian 
fellowship ; and it may truly be said of them — " they 
were lovely and pleasant in their lives, and in their 
death they were not divided" — so short was the sepa- 
ration. Her mind was also much affected by the 
disease, yet we have abundant cause to believe that she 
had not deferred the preparation for eternity to a dying 
bed. She frequently exhorted those who visited her 
(who were of various religious professions) to believe 
and confide in a crucified Saviour, as needful to a pre- 
paration for " an inheritance with the saints in light." 
Her gentle and purified spirit was released from its 



MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 139 

tenement of clay on the 2nd of 11th Month, 1838, in 
the 37th year, of her age. 

Agreeably to her own request, her remains were laid 
by the side of her beloved Catharine, in the family 
burying ground and we trust their spirits are united 
in singing the praises of Him who carried them 
safely through many tribulations, and enabled them to 
commemorate his goodness and mercy in sustaining 
them in the furnace of affliction. 



The following simple lines were suggested to the 
mind of one of Catharine Seely's afflicted friends, by 
hearing at intervals, a few of the foregoing pages read, 
and may not be deemed an inappropriate finale to this 
little work : — 

How oft her feeble trembling hand 

Hath tried to guide the quill. 
While faint and weary still she strove 

Her little scraps to fill ; 

Thinking, perhaps, the seeking mind 

Might some instruction gain ; 
But most of all remembering those 

Overwhelmed with grief and pain. 



140 MEMOIR OF CATHARINE SEELY. 

And with astonished ear I list. 
While tears bedew my cheek, 

Such faith — such sufferings meekly borne 
Such goodness they bespeak. 

And now, methinks, if lightly prised. 

The loss will be our o^^ti; 
She has received her recompense, 
A white robe and a crown. 

E. F. 
Second Month, 1843. 



4 



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